Fatal Temptation: First Draft
by Koinaka
Summary: Set in an AU: In New Moon after Edward leaves, Jasper does not leave with the rest of the Cullens. He is wrecked by the guilt of what he has done, so he stays behind to watch after Bella. DISCONTINUED: SEE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END
1. Chapter 1

I jumped lithely through her bedroom as I had done so many times before, but this time was different. Bella had not yet fallen asleep. She was sitting on her bed, tears falling silently down her cheeks. I should have turned around and jumped out, but I hesitated. In that moment, Bella got out of bed and closed the distance between us.

"I-I I thought you were gone," she whispered.

"I shouldn't have come," I told her. "It was wrong of me. I'm sorry, I'll leave."

"Wait!" she cried "Don't leave," she said, her voice softer than before.

I watched as she moved towards me, her scent intoxicating me, her heartbeat drawing me in.

"Bella, I don't think you should come any closer."

She blushed, then, her face turning the most luscious red I had ever seen. In this small room, her scent was maddening, I could see the blood pulsating through her body, hear her heartbeat as it muted every other sound for miles. She touched my face, slowly, hesitantly. It was at once the most pleasurable and painful experience of my life. The heat of her, the scent of her, the beauty of her, I could no longer resist them.

I felt the cell phone in my pocket vibrate. Alice would have seen, of course. I faltered. Should I answer the phone? Or should I do what I've wanted to do for months? Bella made the decision for me. She moved closer to me than I thought possible. I lowered my head and grazed her lips gently. The heat shocked me; she was so soft, so warm, so beautiful.

She pressed her body against my own and ran her fingers through my hair, knotting them in it and pulling me closer. Her lips moved against mine wildly, passionately. I knew that I should move, I should leave… but I did neither. Instead I kissed her back, allowing the hunger for her blood to be transferred into hunger for her body. My hands moved of their own accord. I have no control tonight; I don't want to have control tonight. She broke the kiss finally, gasping for breath. She sat on the edge of her bed. Her fingers touched her lips as she gazed at me.

"Why are you here?" she whispered, her voice wavering.

I paused for a moment. "I don't know." I finally said. "Do you want me to leave?"

She blushed and bit her lower lip nervously while she thought of the answer. "No, I don't," she admitted.

I pushed her back against the bed, her heartbeat thundered against my chest as I lowered myself on top of her. Her hands roamed my body, clutching me frantically as I pressed my lips roughly against hers. Her hunger ignited the hunger I struggled to keep under control. I was dimly aware of voices approaching the house, but Bella moaned as my fingers reached her breast, and I was lost in her. My lips moved from her lips as I trailed kisses down her neck. I could feel the pulse against my lips – so close, so seductive. I moved down her neck to her collarbone.

I stopped only to pull off the tank top she wore to bed. I looked down at her, with her face flushed, chest heaving, body trembling, she was beautiful. I lowered my lips to the top of her breast, savoring both the warmth and the scent of her blood. I was so close to her heart. As my lips touched her breast, she arched her back and pulled me closer to her. That was all it took. One minute, I was kissing her, the next my teeth sank into the tender flesh beneath me and her warm, sweet blood seeped into my mouth.

I heard a gasp behind me. "Jasper, what have you done?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

Jasper's POV

Weak. I was so weak. Yet even as the thoughts formed in my head, Bella's warm blood continued to flow down my throat. Two strong hands attempted to pull me off, but to no avail. It was Bella's soft murmur that broke the trance I was in.

"Jasper? What…" she started, but trailed off. Her heart raced faster, pushing the venom – my venom – through her blood stream, making us one, making her mine. She pushed my hair back from my face, and when I saw her eyes, felt her emotions – even as I drank her blood, there was no sign of the hate, the fear that I deserved – I was strong enough to pull away.

As I looked down at her half-naked body, the realization of what I'd done hit me. I sickened myself. I should have stayed away. How could I have deluded myself into believing I was strong enough to be near her, to kiss her, to have her as I wanted since the first moment I laid eyes on her?

"Bella," I whispered as I searched for right words to say, but nothing came.

It was then that I remembered the voice behind me, the hands attempting to pull me back. Bella finally moved her eyes away from mine towards the window where Alice and Emmett stood, too shocked to move or speak. Her face flushed, and she covered herself with the pillow next to her. Ashamed, I turned around to face them, their emotions suffocating me in this small room – Emmett's confusion, anger, disbelief, Alice's hurt, betrayal, and impatience.

We looked at one another for what felt like hours, but surely was only seconds.

"We have to leave," Alice said the pain palpable in her voice. "If we do not leave now, Charlie will hear."

I nodded in agreement. I could feel the pain Bella was beginning to feel. Casting the pillow aside, I picked her up and cradled her body to my chest, basking in the warmth I felt. I jumped out the window and ran into the woods, my wife and my brother behind me.

Bella whimpered against my chest as the venom began to burn her from the inside out. I tried to ease the pain as much as I could, but even with my abilities, the pain would be inescapable. I slowed my pace to a walk as we neared the house. I could feel emotions radiating from the house; we were not alone.

"Why has everyone come back to Forks?" I asked, speaking to them for the first time since we parted ways all those months before.

"Edward is coming home," Alice said.

Bella's body stiffened at the mention of Edward's name. The pain she felt increased, but this was not the physical pain my venom caused, but the emotional torture that she'd felt since he left her. Bella let out the first of many screams to come as we walked up the long driveway. Emmett was at my side immediately.

"Let her go, Jasper," he growled. He was no longer the jovial brother I had known for years. His hand was on Bella, ready to spirit her away from me, but she only increased her hold on my chest.

"Its okay, Emmett," Bella whispered.

"No, it's not!" he said, louder this time. "Give her to me, Jasper, you have done enough."

"Just let me get her in the house, Emmett. She's partially undressed, remember? Then, I'll leave," I said, the shame flowing freely off of me. Emmett was right, I had done enough, but the thought of leaving her was unbearable. I felt dizzy, breathless, though I needed no air. No, I could not leave.

We walked in silence up the drive way. Bella's screams pierced the air, pierced my soul. I gritted my teeth against the pain she was feeling - pain that I had caused. Over the last century and a half that I walked this earth as a vampire, I've killed countless people, done so many terrible things, but nothing as heinous as this. I'd stayed behind to protect her, to look after her, to help her, to make amends for the part I played in Edward's departure and what had happened? In a moment of supreme stupidity, I'd taken what I wanted without any thought of the consequences.

Before we reached the door, Carlisle and Esme came outside. I looked down at Bella so that I didn't have to see the disappointment on their faces.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked. "What happened?"

"Oh my…" Esme started.

I ignored them and continued on into the house. I had to put her down soon, blood still flowed from the wound and every second that passed where she remained in my arms was another second she was in danger. I carried her into the room Alice and I once shared and placed her on the bed. I quickly removed my shirt and put it on her. She was quiet and still – for now – but the pain would be back, I knew. I pressed my lips gently against hers one last time.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Perhaps one day you'll be able to forgive me."

Emmett was standing in the doorway, the muscles in his arms tense as he clenched his hands into fists. Alice was behind him, her eyes glistening with tears that would never fall.

"Get away from her," Emmett said.

I allowed myself to look down at her once again and moved towards the door. Alice rushed to Bella's side once I left the room. Emmett followed me downstairs.

"What were you thinking, Jasper?" he asked when we reached the living room. Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie were waiting for the answer as well; their curiosity

and anxiety filled the room.

I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. I sighed and looked up at the members of my family.

"He obviously wasn't thinking. He's seriously lost it." Rosalie spat out. "Why are you in Forks anyway? Come back to finish what you started in September?"

"Rose," Carlisle warned. "Let Jasper speak. I'm sure he has an explanation, and we owe it to him to listen."

"Explanation?" Emmett thundered. "Whatever his _explanation _is, I don't want to hear it." He turned to face me. "Didn't you do enough in September? You have no idea what Edward has gone through these last four months! This is going to kill him."

Anger boiled beneath my skin. "I stayed to help her because _he_ left, to protect her, to do what I could to try and make up for my mistakes as best I could. You have no idea what _she _has gone through. He left her in the woods, did you know _that_? By the time I found her, she was being carried out by a _werewolf_."

"The wolves are back?" Carlisle asked, his mouth dropping open.

"Too bad you couldn't protect her from yourself," Emmett snarled.

"I didn't mean for it to happen…" I trailed off, Bella's scream drowning out my words.

"Why else would you be in her room in the middle of the night, Jasper, if not to feed on her? Unless you were perhaps hoping for a bit of action, although I can't really imagine you going for Edward's leftovers. I thought you had better tastes than that," Rosalie said, a smug smile on her face.

"Rosalie," Esme said her soft voice harsher than normal. "Why don't we go upstairs and see if Alice needs any help with Bella?"

"Absolutely not! I don't care what happens to that _girl_. She should never have become involved with our family. This is Jasper's doing; he should take care of it," she said each word carefully, so that I understood what she meant. "Besides, Emmett and I are leaving; I don't want to be within a hundred miles of this house when Edward gets here."

"I'm not leaving, Rose." Emmett said.

"Oh yes, you are Emmett Cullen!" she screeched.

"No way, Rose. Bella needs us, and Edward is definitely going to need us when he gets back here. I'm not leaving."

Rosalie turned around and glared at me, the anger rolling off of her in waves. "Well, I hope you're happy. Once again this family is being torn apart because of you. Once again we have to pay for your mistake." Esme opened her mouth to speak, but Rosalie continued, cutting her off. "Don't even bother, Esme, I'm leaving."

"You don't care about this family, Rosalie, you only care about yourself." I told her pointedly.

"Don't even try to make this about me, Jasper. I just don't understand why the rest of us have to suffer because you can't seem to control yourself! I care about this family more than you do; if you cared a little _more_ we would not be in this position," she shrieked and went upstairs, slamming the door as she entered her room.

Emmett glared at me once more before following his wife up the stairs.

Carlisle sighed, and Esme put her hand on his shoulder. "I'll go check on the girls," she said.

When Esme was out of the room, Carlisle sat next to me on the couch. He rubbed the circles under his eyes, a wary look on his face. "I've considered you a son these past few decades, Jasper. If you say you were not attempting to kill her, I believe you, but Emmett is right; this is going to hurt Edward tremendously. I understand if you do not wish to stay here, but you should stay until Edward arrives. You owe him an explanation at the very least."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I know," I said after a minute. "I'm not going to leave. I want to make things right – as right as I can. I was only trying to look after her, Carlisle. Things just got out of control – I got out of control."

"Even those of us with the best intentions make mistakes, Jasper. No one is perfect, not one of us, even though some forget that. We do the best we can, but we are still not perfect."

"It was a mistake to think that I could be anything other than what I am – a cold-blooded killer. I've struggled more than any other member of this family – killed more than any other member of this family. I've put everyone through so much, Carlisle. How can I make this right? How can I ever make this right?"

Carlisle sighed heavily and stood up. "I don't know, Jasper. You are the only one who can determine what is right for you, but we are a family – and families do not abandon one another when a member is in need. I trust that you will do the right thing. I should go check on Bella now," he said. He rested his hand on my shoulder before going upstairs; his unconditional love and understanding stunned me. "You may struggle, but the fact that Bella still lives is a testament to your strength."

As I watched Carlisle walk up the stairs, I thought about what he said. The fact that Bella was still alive was not a testament to my strength, only a testament to the love I felt for her. Love that started the moment she walked through the cafeteria doors although I did not recognize it at first. A love that was doomed from the start because I knew Bella would never love me as she loved Edward. I loved Alice yet as time went on, I could no longer deny my feelings for Bella.

There is no right anymore. I crossed the line between right and wrong the minute I decided to take what was never mine to begin with.

Edward's POV

I turned down the road that would lea me to Bella's house, feeling like my actions had purpose for the first time in months. Since I had left her in September, I had been a shell of what I used to be when I was with her. Leaving her was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do, and I had left the essence of myself in Forks with her that horrible day. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, impatient to finally see her again and try and make things right. If she would only agree to take me back, I would spend the rest of my life – no, the rest of my existence – trying to make it up to her. I was a fool to leave her. Alice was right, though it pained me to admit that, but I had to try. I had to try and protect her from what I was.

The moon was high in the sky; I knew Bella would be asleep, but I could not wait until the morning. I could not stand to be separated from her a moment longer, I could only hope she still felt the same way. I would respect her wishes – even if she no longer wanted me that way. I would go – if that's what she wanted – but I would not go far.

My cell phone rang from where it lay in the passenger seat. I only picked it up to silence the ringer. I would not be interrupted tonight. Except that it was Carlisle calling. He would only be calling if it were an emergency. Surely Alice must have informed the family as soon as she saw my decision. I sighed and flipped open the phone.

"Yes?" I asked. "I'm on my way to Bella's as we speak. Is something wrong, Carlisle?"

"I think you should come here first," a familiar voice said. Alice. Not Carlisle.

"Alice," I growled. "Why are you calling me on Carlisle's phone?"

"Because I knew you would not answer if I called you on my phone."

"You know me too well, Alice. Goodbye," I said.

"Look, I don't have the time or the patience to argue with you right now. Just come home, Edward. Come straight home. Trust me; you do not want to go to Bella's house right now."

Normally, I would have ignored Alice and simply went on to Bella's house, but something about her tone of voice told me she was being serious. I sighed and spun the car around.

"I'm on my way," I told her and hung up.

The quiet stillness of the night was marred by someone screaming. The closer I got to the house, the louder the screaming became. Whoever – or whatever – was creating that noise was inside my house, yet besides the screaming, it was eerily quiet. I could not even hear a single thought from any of my family members.

A feeling of dread settled in the pit of my stomach as I pulled the Volvo into the garage. The screaming was loud, frantic, familiar…

"We are leaving, Emmett! I cannot stand another second of this screaming, let alone another two days of it." Rosalie was yelling.

"Rose, be quiet! Edward is going to be here any minute," Alice said reproachfully.

"I will not be quiet! If it weren't for your _husband_, none of us would be in this position. I will not edit my thoughts either," Rosalie snarled. _Edward deserves to know. _

I turned off the car and walked into the house as calmly as I could given all that had transpired in the last thirty seconds.

"Edward deserves to know what?" I asked warily as I entered the house to find Rosalie, Alice, and Emmett waiting for me at the door.

I took a deep breath during the pregnant pause that followed my question. Freesias… Bella was here. The familiar screams, I had heard them before. I didn't wait for an answer from my family but sprinted up the stairs. I found her in Alice and Jasper's room. She was on the bed, screaming and thrashing about. Carlisle and Esme were standing next to her, but no one was making any attempt to help her.

"Oh no, Bella!" I cried when I saw her, her beautiful face contorted with pain. "Why are you just standing there? What happened? Why haven't you helped her?"

"I'm afraid I've done as much as I could. I gave her some morphine, but there's nothing more I can do."

I looked at my father and tried to make sense of what he'd just said. "If you can't help her, we should take her to the hospital then. She's obviously in pain. What happened?" I asked again.

_I'm sorry, Edward, I'm afraid… _

But Carlisle's thought was interrupted by a sentence that would have made my blood run cold – had I any blood.

"The fire! Why won't you put the fire out?" she screamed and clawed at her skin. I quickly ran to her side and grabbed her hands so that she could not further injure herself. She's said that once before… when James bit her, but that could not be possible. Who could have bitten her?

As my hands touched hers, she screamed louder. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

I recoiled as if she'd physically struck me. "Bella? It's me, love, it's Edward."

I brushed the hair out of her face. She opened her eyes then, but they were no longer a chocolate brown, red was beginning to creep into them. My breath caught in my throat. I turned to look at Carlisle and Esme. "Someone better explain to me exactly what happened, and soon," I growled.

"I think it's obvious, dear brother," Rosalie said, entering the room. _Someone snuck into her room for a little snack. _

I looked at her. "What?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "For someone who is supposed to have the ability to read minds, you can be incredibly dense sometimes." _Do I need to spell it out for you, Edward? She was bitten – _

"That's absurd. None of us have been in town, who could have bitten her?"

I looked back over at Bella who was now curled into a ball in the middle of the bed.

"Jasper," she moaned. "Where's Jasper?"


	3. Chapter 3

Edward's POV

I clenched my jaw. "No," I said.

A haughty smile spread on Rosalie's face. _Someone's in denial. _

"I'm not in denial, Rosalie," I growled. "I just refuse to believe that anyone in this family would allow this to happen."

"We didn't _allow_ this to happen," Rosalie sneered.

I turned to Alice. "Why didn't you see this? You should have stopped it, or at the very least warned me!"

Alice narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't you dare try to put the blame off on me, Edward Cullen. There is only so much I can do blind. You told me not to look for her future, remember?"

"Fine, you couldn't see her future, but how could you allow Jasper to do this? Did you actually think I would approve of this?" I fumed.

"Contrary to popular belief, Edward," Rosalie interjected. "The universe does not bend to your every whim. It is not Alice's job to keep tabs on your pet and what your rules are for her upkeep."

"I never suggested that it did." I started to say.

"Furthermore," she continued, glaring at me. " Alice has no control over what Jasper does or does not do. If anyone is to be blamed for this it's Jasper or perhaps you for letting that human into our family and our lives in the first place. If you think for one second any of us 'allowed' Jasper to do this, you are seriously deluded."

"Rose is right, Edward. Alice and I got there as fast as we could, but it was too late. There was no way we could have prevented it because he hasn't even been with us since we left, remember?" Emmett said, stepping in between us.

Defeated, I sank down onto the bed and pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "Where is Jasper? I refuse to believe that he just happened to pop into her room and change her without provocation."

"He didn't go to change her. I would have seen that. I wouldn't have stopped it, but I would have _seen _it," Alice insisted.

"What did you see then?" I sighed.

"I saw them…" she trailed off. _Together._ She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. I see flashes of brown hair and bare skin. Clothes being pulled off, lips trailing down a heaving chest, hands touching, grabbing.

"No," I gasped, looking down at Bella. "She wouldn't do that."

"Sorry, Edward. I know you don't want to believe it, but that's what we saw," Emmett said.

"No," I said again. Bella's beautiful face was contorted in pain, her forehead shimmered with sweat, and her eyes were clenched shut. My eyes inadvertently went to her neck, but I could see no puncture marks. Her skin was unblemished as always. I caressed her cheek; the warmth that once held me to the earth was already fading.

"I don't know why you are so surprised," Rosalie said, her face suddenly forlorn. "You left her remember? Surely you did not expect her to remain alone forever."

"Of course not, Rosalie. I knew she would move on, but I hoped it would be with a _human_, not my brother. I did not want this for her. How could she have… how could he have…?" I was at a loss for words, my mind desperately trying to understand.

Alice's eyes glistened with tears. _I should have seen it. How could I not have?_

"Yes, you should have," I said tersely through my teeth.

Esme sat down next to me on the bed and squeezed my knee with one of her small hands.

_Edward, I understand you are upset, but there is no need for you to blaming __Alice__. If anything, she could use your support now more than ever. Why don't you go outside and find Jasper? But promise me that you will try to be open-minded and at least listen to what he has to say. Neither blame nor violence will solve this situation. What's done is done and all we can do now is move forward_, she thought.

I nodded at Esme and after placing a quick kiss on Bella's forehead, I left the room to find Jasper. It did not take me long. He was sitting against a tree, his blond hair covering his face.

Jasper's POV

When Bella's pain became too much to bear, I escaped into the woods surrounding the house I once called home. This was more proof that I was weak, a coward. She called out to me, but I could not bring myself to go to her knowing I was the cause of her pain.

I slumped onto the ground and leaned against a tree trunk. I closed my eyes and wondered how things could have gotten so out of control. At what point had the lines between right and wrong become blurred? I only ever intended to watch over her, to protect her, yet somewhere along the line I began to _love_ her. How could I not? She was warm, beautiful, caring, and so forgiving. Even after what I did in September, she never hesitated in giving forgiveness, though I did not deserve it.

I was the reason Edward left her, yet I knew she did not blame me. She blamed herself; I could sense that when I watched over her night after night. I could hear the whispered words she uttered in her sleep. How could she ever think that she was not enough? It was there that it happened. Somewhere among the endless nights, whispered words, screaming nightmares that I realized I loved her. Every night I watched her, not daring to go to her, but wanting it more than I had ever wanted anything.

I sighed and dropped my face into my hands. I closed my eyes and remembered the feel of her lips on mine, the way her heart raced when I touched her. She seemed to want me as much as I wanted her, but I could not be sure if it was her emotions or my own that I had felt. Not that it mattered now because even if she had wanted me then, there was no way she would want me now. Not after what I'd done, not if Edward was coming back… especially if Edward was coming back. The love they felt for one another was incredible, undeniable. I'd never felt anything like that in all my years.

I could feel the emotions around me change. There was disappointment, sadness, regret, yet also love.

" Alice," I said without moving my hands from my face.

"Why, Jazz? She's my _sister_."

"I don't know."

"I hope for your sake you figure it out soon, Edward will be here any minute," she said softly and turned to walk back to the house.

"Wait, Alice!" I called out after her.

"Not right now, Jasper. I just can't. I've got to go, Bella needs me."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly.

"I know you are, but it doesn't change what happened. We'll talk later," she said and paused allowing the vision to finish. "Yes, that will be all right, we can talk later."

Alice walked away, and I made no effort to go after her. I wanted to go to Bella, but I didn't do that either. I allowed my emotions to take control. There was no sense in attempting to rationalize the events of that night, of the last several months – if I were being honest. I wrapped myself in my memories of her.

After the disastrous birthday party, the next time I saw Bella was the day he left her. I was walking through the woods, going to her house. I wanted to apologize, to make amends if I could, before we left. I was careful to block my thoughts because Edward was adamant; he wanted none of us – least of all me – near her. It broke Alice's heart to not say goodbye to the girl she considered her best friend, her sister, but Edward would not back down. He wanted Bella to have a clean break from us all, but I knew that would not be the case. I knew the depth of her love for him – she would never recover from this.

The moment I stepped into the woods, I felt an overwhelming, all encompassing pain. As I got closer to her house, I began to hear their conversation. Edward was telling her goodbye as he had planned to do. I knew he felt he was doing this for all the right reasons. Being near us was not in her best interest, being near _me – _ashamed as I was to admit it – was not in her best interest, but he had no reason to be so uncaring, so cruel. I thought the pain that tore through her when he told her that not only did he not want her, but that she was no good for him would rip me apart. I fell to my knees unable to move; the pain holding me captive on the floor of the forest.

My nose was soon filled with the familiar musky scent of werewolves. I forced myself to get up, to move. If I stayed where I was for much longer, the wolf would surely find me, and I did not have the strength for the battle I knew would ensue.

By the time I emerged from the woods near our house, the woods were teeming with people, all searching for Bella. I wished that I was strong enough to find her. Her scent overwhelmed me – even from where I was – and I knew it would only take me minutes to find her, but I didn't dare go after her. I didn't trust myself. Just the thought of going near her caused the bloodlust to rise again. It was not long before the bloodlust was replaced by an entirely alien feeling; it was one I had felt before – just not towards Bella before. I waned to protect her, to help her, to alleviate her pain if I could, and I _could_. I could stay there and use my power to help her.

So that's what I did. Alice gave me her blessing – to watch out for her, of course – whether she'd seen my developing feelings, I didn't know. If she did, she never said.

The first week was the hardest. Bella completely shut down. The pain was so heavy, so thick; I couldn't change it, no matter how hard I tried. I stayed with her, although it did not help. I spent most of my time hiding in her closet, trying in vain to take away her pain. After five days of this, Alice called. Charlie was sending Renee out to take Bella to Florida.

I was panicked. Bella had become my entire life and the thought of her leaving and going to Florida – a place I could not follow – scared me. I wanted to go to her, to make her see that she had to pull herself together before she was sent away from Forks – away from me, but I couldn't. I still did not dare go near her. I thought I would go crazy from thirst the first day I was there in that small room, her scent saturating everything in it. Even when I went to hunt, her scent clung to me, tempting me, calling me.

I was walking a thin line. Each hour I spent with her, I battled my desire for her blood. I knew I was losing, my strength was beginning to wane, and it would not be long before it overpowered me. When Renee came to get Bella, I was huddled in a ball in her closet, my eyes the darkest they'd ever been though I hunted constantly. My anger erupted when I heard them pulling her clothes out of the drawers. They couldn't take her; I wouldn't allow it.

My anger was fueled by Bella who finally snapped out of it when she realized they were taking her away from Forks. She yelled, she screamed, she cried. She threw her clothes around the room, but most importantly – to me – she refused to leave. I thought it would get better after the first week. She went back to school. But things did not get better. I could not take away her pain at all with my power. I should have left when I realized, but I couldn't bring myself to leave.

I watched helpless as Bella deteriorated before my very eyes. She was no longer the Bella we all knew and loved. She threw out her books, broke all of her CDs, ripped out her stereo with her bare hands. She was an echo of the girl she once was. I watched her knowing it was me that caused her deterioration.

Night after night, I sat in her rocking chair and did what I could to make her pain manageable. I listened as her nightmares caused her to scream herself awake every day. I listened as she sobbed – even in her sleep. I watched as she spent most of her time walking around with her arms wrapped around her in a desperate attempt to keep herself together. Sometime in January, I had a break through. I was finally able to remove some of her pain – not all, not enough by any means, but she was able to function more than she had been.

I was planning on leaving soon – to go back to Alice. Bella would be… well, not completely all right, but she'd be able to move on eventually. Something happened then that I did not expect. Bella began spending an extraordinary amount of time with a boy called Jacob Black. I was filled with rage – with jealousy – I didn't want Bella spending time with anyone. I wanted her to spend her time with me. I followed her but stopped when I realized she'd got into werewolf territory. The thought of Bella being with anyone other than me – let alone a _werewolf_ – filled me with an indescribable rage. I knew then that I could no longer deny my love.

So, I'd come full circle. Dancing with the fatal temptation of Isabella Swan's blood once again; the only difference was now that I loved her – more than I ever thought possible, more than she could ever love me. If I had a single bit of common sense, I would have never allowed my lips to touch hers, yet I could not bring myself to regret it. When she chose to go with Edward – and she would, there was no doubt – at least I would have the memories of being with her – even for the moment. I would always remember the way her hands felt as she touched me, the taste of her – not her blood, but _her_…

"Stop, please, just stop, Jasper," Edward whispered behind me.

Bella's POV

Okay, I had to admit, I was freaking out a little. Well, maybe a lot. But it was completely reasonable. Any sane, normal person would be freaking out after the week I'd had. Well, actually… if I was a sane, normal person I would have had myself committed a long time ago – as soon as I realized I was in love with a vampire to be exact. I winced at the word and wrapped my arms around myself. Stupid Bella. I knew the pain would be here soon – unrelenting as always. Not that I expected anything different. After the conversation with Jake today, I knew it was coming.

So, Jake was a werewolf. I don't know why it surprised me, really. The only person who could both fall in love with a vampire – wince – and have a werewolf for a best friend would be me, Isabella Swan. Any other person would have a normal life. A normal boyfriend. A normal best friend. But me? I had to surround myself with mythological creatures and then find myself always surprised when the when on their mythical ways.

My eyelids are getting heavy, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay awake for much longer. My body tensed in preparation for the nightmares and the pain that were sure to follow. Tears streamed silently down my cheeks. Should I be worried that I don't even notice them anymore? I heard a noise at my window and I froze. It's Victoria, it had to be, but the scent was familiar – unbearably familiar.

I held my breath as the figure jumped into my room and stopped. His amber eyes widened in surprise when he saw me – he seemed to be as surprised to see me as I was to see him. I struggled to form a coherent sentence. Jasper Hale was in my bedroom, in the middle of the night. He had jumped through my window as if he'd done it a million times – as _he_ had done, night after night. The adrenaline began pumping through my body, preparing for the fight or flight to come. My body knew he was dangerous – though my mind seemed to have forgotten that fact. Why was Jasper in my bedroom? And if he was back was _he_ back? I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I quickly pushed that thought out of my head.

Jasper looked at me, his blonde hair falling into his eyes. He looked towards the window, and I knew that he was going to leave and that I should let him. But when have I ever done what I should? I got out of bed with no thought to the consequences and walked towards him. Maybe my hallucinations had taken over my brain. He probably wasn't even really here. I guess Charlie would be carting me off to the loony-bin in the morning after all. He didn't move, as I took in his lanky frame. He was different than _him_. Taller and thinner to be sure, but also something else, he looked almost fragile to me. His honey blonde hair was wet and messy from the rain. I never noticed how beautiful, how graceful he was as well. I'd been so focused on _him_ that I never gave a second thought to anyone else.

I stopped when I was less than a foot in front of him. I closed and opened my eyes sure that he would be gone when I opened them, but he was still there, standing motionlessly.

"I thought you were gone," I managed to say after a minute. The words _a clean break, like I never existed_ echoed through my mind – promises broken as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I shouldn't have come," he murmured, his voice just as velvet as _his_, but with a slight twang of his long lost Southern accent. "It was wrong of me, I'm sorry. I'll leave," he finished. He backed away from me, headed for the window. He was going to leave just like _him._

"Wait!" I said, my voice louder than I expected. Charlie would hear me if I wasn't careful. "Don't leave," I pleaded.

I began to walk towards him. I can't believe I never noticed how beautiful he was. I wasn't thinking clearly – otherwise I wouldn't be trying to get closer to the vampire that nearly killed me in September – but I felt drawn to him. I just wanted to touch his face.

"Bella, I don't think you should come any closer," he said in a strained voice; his amber eyes darkening in front of me.

I took another step forward. Only a few more step and there would be no space between us.

"Bella, have you completely taken leave of your senses?"Edward's voice snarled in my head.

I ignored him. Jasper was so close, his full lips pulled into a half-smile. I wondered briefly what it would feel like to touch him, to kiss him. Even the thought of kissing him caused me to blush. I took another step and continued to ignore the snarling and growling in my head. I reached my hand out to touch him. If I felt him, then I could be sure that he was real and not an illusion. He closed his eyes as my hand touched his cold, hard skin.

"Isabella Swan,"Edward growled. "Do not take one more step, do you hear me?"

That only made me smile more. Why should _he_ be the only one with distractions? I stepped again, and now Jasper and I were touching – barely – but I could feel the cold from his body seeping into mine. His scent was sweeter than Edward's but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Honey maybe? I was trying to decipher what it could be when Jasper leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

"Bella," Edward warned. "He is _dangerous_. Please, grasp that."

I smiled. Hadn't Edward heard? I liked dangerous things now. Motorcycles, werewolves, why not add another vampire in the mix? A beautiful vampire at that. One who was in my room. One who had come back. Unlike _him_.

I looked at Jasper then and my desire to kiss him was almost unbearable. I pressed myself against him. His breathing became heavy, but he didn't pull away like I expected. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair. I wondered if it was soft. Another wave of desire hit me, and I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips to his. Somewhere in the background of my mind, I remembered that Jasper could manipulate emotions, but I didn't care. Once his lips were pressed against mine, I didn't think anymore. Edward's snarling and growls were drowning out any thoughts I could possibly have.

Kissing Jasper was different than _him_ – deliciously different. Every second that went by, I expected him to pull away, to look at me disapprovingly, to tell me to _behave_, but he never did. His pressed his lips against mine roughly, hungrily, as if he couldn't get enough of mine, couldn't get enough of me. One of his hands was in my hair, the other was gliding further and further down my body until it reached my breast. I gasped against his lips, and he took advantage of the fact they were parted momentarily and slid his tongue between them. If I thought he smelled sweet, it was nothing compared to the way he tasted. I never wanted to stop kissing him, but finally I became so dizzy, I had no choice but to pull away.

I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to calm my breathing. I touched my swollen bruised lips as I looked at Jasper. _He_ would never have kissed me that way. _Too dangerous_, he would have said. Maybe he just didn't love me – or want me – enough to kiss me that way. It was never about his ability to hurt me, it was his ability to _want_ me.

"Bella, you are absolutely absurd. How could I not want you? Please, don't do this," he pleaded.

I ignored him. Jasper was here, and he wasn't. Even though he was only a hallucination, surely he realized that.

"Why are you here?" I asked Jasper suddenly. Why had he come back and not _him_?

He looked at me, his eyes didn't dazzle me like _his_ – they seduced me. "I don't know," he murmured so soft I was unsure of what he said at first. "Do you want me to leave?"

I was torn. I didn't _want_ him to leave, but I knew that he probably should. I couldn't decide. I chewed on my tender bottom lip and thought about what I should do.

"Just tell him to go, Bella. _Please_. You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless. _This_ is reckless. Bella, please, understand. Jasper is dangerous…" Edward continued to plead with me.

"No, I don't," I whispered.

He was in front of me before I had time to have any doubts. He pushed me back against the bed and lowered himself on top of me. His scent surrounded me, heavy and sweet. Intoxicating. _Heroin_, a voice whispered in my ear. He pressed his lips against mine and once again slid his tongue in my mouth. In an act of complete lust – or foolishness, I wasn't sure which – slid my tongue out and met his. In that moment, there was no one else in the entire world but Jasper. I pulled at him, frantically. I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to be with him. His hands touched me as well with the same hunger I felt. There was no hesitancy in his movements, no reluctance like Edward always had – only passion and desire.

I moaned wantonly when his fingers touched my breast again – oblivious to the fact that Charlie was only down the hall. I felt like I was on fire. His lips left mine and trailed down my neck as I gasped for breath. His lips were cold, but all I could feel was the liquid fire that ignited where they touched me. He stopped and my entire body shuddered, the absence of his lips almost too much to bear. I was about to reach out for him, but he pulled my shirt off and looked at me in a way I'd never been looked at before.

I closed my eyes as he lowered his lips back to mine, but I was surprised when his lips touched my breast instead.

"Be still, Bella, please. I love you," Edward sobbed.

I did try to be still, but when he slipped one of his hands up my thigh as he continued to tease my breast, I couldn't help it. I needed him to be closer, closer. I pulled at him, desperate to feel him, to touch him.

"Bella, you have to stop," Edward said, his voice frantic, but it was too late because it was then that I felt Jasper's teeth sink into my skin and the fire ignited in my veins.


	4. Chapter 4

Jasper's POV

I jumped up. I'd been so wrapped up in my memories, I'd forgotten about Edward coming.

"I'm sorry," I told him as I quickly sensed his emotions. I was surprised to find no anger there; only anguish and regret.

"Is it true? Those images of Bella? Is that what she looked like? Is that what I did?" he fired the questions off without waiting for an answer, he ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

I nodded and tried to clear my thoughts, but found myself unable to rid my mind of the images of her. Especially memories of our kisses. The way her lips felt so hot against my cold ones. It was intoxicating.

Edward growled and once again I was brought out of my memories. She entranced me to the point that I was unable to think of anything but her. My life had revolved around her for so many months; it was reluctant to stop now.

"Can you attempt to control your thoughts, Jasper? I promised Esme that I would not hurt you, but if you keep replaying that in your mind, I won't have a choice. You have no idea how much I want to rip you apart right now. The only reason I don't is because Bella is upstairs calling for you, and I don't want to do anymore damage," he said. His jaw was clenched and the muscles in his arm strained against his skin as he struggled to keep control.

"Sorry," I offered weakly. "I would stop if I could." It was a lie, but it flowed off my tongue so naturally I was unsure if he would even know. The truth was Bella had bewitched me. Even now, standing in front of my brother, all I could think about was that she had actually called for me! Even after what I'd done, what I'd taken from her, she still wanted me.

"Damn it, Jasper," Edward growled and tackled me, sending us both flying into one of the nearby trees knocking it down. I did my best to calm him down, but he was able to land one punch in my jaw before he slumped on the ground.

He buried his face in his hands and not even a second later; his body was shaking with dry sobs.

"Why, Jasper? Why Bella? You have Alice – who has loved you since before you even met! Why did you have to take the _one_ thing that made this…existence – my existence – worth anything?" he said, his voice practically a whisper. Somehow this was worse than if he'd screamed the words at me.

"You left her, Edward, you left her broken. All I did was stay behind and tried to fix what I helped mess up."

"I left because I wanted to protect her, so that she could live a normal human life; not because I didn't love her. You, of all people, should know my love for her – then and now."

"Your reason was noble, I'll give you that, but Edward, you should have known she would not live a normal life. She didn't live at all, not fully, and even with my power, the pain she felt was nearly unbearable."

"This isn't about me, though, is it?" he hissed. "It's about you, and what you've done. Your ability to control yourself has always been lacking; why did you insist on going near her? Was what happened in September not proof enough?"

"Don't you think I know that? I'm not stupid, Edward. I'm also not perfect," I said, trying to keep my anger under control. If I didn't this entire situation could escalate in a dangerous direction.

"Perfect? No, Jasper you are _far_ from perfect. Putting aside the fact that what you did has devastated your wife, you could have _killed_ Bella! You _knew_ the risks. How many conversations have I had with you about the physical boundaries I set up with her? Damn it, how could you be so careless?"

"You think I don't realize how careless I was? Even if I hadn't bitten her, I could have easily killed her," I closed my eyes at the very thought of it. The idea of her not being on this earth was unbearable. "You're right, as always. I knew the risks, but I was too caught up in the moment. I didn't plan this, Edward. Not any of it. She was never supposed to see me," I told him.

"If you didn't want her to see you, then why the hell were you jumping through her bedroom window?" he growled.

"She has nightmares," I shuddered as I remembered her blood-curdling screams, the way she sobbed inconsolably, the pitiful way she begged Edward not to leave every single night. "Sometimes I'm able to help her through them. Most times not, but when I am able to, it's worth it to see her sleep in peace."

Edward gasped at my memories, and I cursed myself inwardly. I would have to do a better job of keeping these images from him.

"You watch her sleep," he stated.

I nodded though it wasn't a question. "I do."

"How often?" he asked.

"Every night," I admitted. No reason to lie now, really.

"Why?"

I saw Alice running towards us out of the corner of my eye. I shrugged as if it should be abundantly clear. "It's simple really…" I was cut off by Alice shrieking.

"Don't say it, Jasper," she warned.

I sighed thankful for the distraction. Of course, it was not a good idea to tell Edward I was in love with Bella.

Fury flashed in his eyes and his nostrils flared in anger. "I think you need to leave. Immediately."

"No!" Alice cried grabbing my hands. "Jasper is staying."

"Do you have any idea what he just said? What he just admitted to? If you only knew… then you would want him gone," his voice was strained.

Alice glared at Edward and tapped her head. "Of course I know; I've known it for months. That is why I insisted he stay in Forks."

My mouth fell open. I did _not_ expect that. She'd known? All along? Alice was truly one of a kind. Much more than I ever deserved, but that had always been the case.

"Fine," Edward said curtly. "I don't suppose I have a choice in whether you stay or not. Carlisle is much more forgiving than he should be. But if you so much as step foot in that room, I will dismember you myself. Do you understand? I don't want you near Bella."

"I don't think that's your decision to make," I said through my teeth, surprised by his audacity.

"Like hell it isn't," he growled. "I don't want you near her."

"Luckily for me, this isn't about what _you_ want. It's about what Bella wants," I said.

"Bella has no idea what sort of person you are or what you've done," Edward snarled. "Do you think she'll want to be near you when she realizes what you've done to her? You damned her!"

He jumped for me again but Emmett grabbed him. I'd been so caught up in the argument; I hadn't noticed Emmett and Carlisle come outside.

"Edward," Carlisle said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "This _fighting_ solves nothing. You know as well as I that she will not blame him; Bella has always been very forgiving. Nor is she damned – no more so than the rest of us which is to say not at all. Come inside with me, you've been apart from her for so long; why don't you go back inside and sit with her?"

He glared at me one last time before turning back to the house. "I'll be moving her into my room. I don't want her anywhere near Jasper or his room."

Carlisle looked at Edward, and I knew they were having a silent conversation because his mood shifted suddenly, and without another word, he returned to the house.

Carlisle turned to me. "So, you've decided to stay?" he asked.

I bowed my head, feeling like the problem child that I was. "Yes, if you would allow me to, I will."

He gave me a small smile. "Of course, Jasper. As I told you before, families do not turn on one another. You are my son, and I am proud of you for making the right decision. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but I think you'll find that it is worth it in the end."

"Thank you, father." I whispered. After all the years I spent with Alice and the Cullen's, I never truly felt like I belonged to the family. It was sad that it took this tragedy to make me feel like they were my family as well.

Carlisle's emotions spoke volumes to me. He was shocked – I'd never called him father before – but he was also proud and even a little happy.

"I'll give you two some privacy," he remarked before disappearing into the house.

I sank onto the ground, finally spent from the strain of everyone's emotions, from my emotions, from the impossibly long day. I felt so weary, so tired. I'd never wanted sleep more than I did right then.

I looked at Alice, her beautiful face. The face of the woman I loved. I _did_ love her, but I also loved Bella. And that love was… frighteningly intense. It was strong; it clouded everything. My reasoning, my thoughts, my life – it overshadowed everything; demanded everything, and I wanted nothing more than to give it what it wanted. To sacrifice everything I had, everything I was, for just the _opportunity_ to love her.

"Alice…" I started but stopped. I took a deep breath and tried again only to come up empty handed. "I don't know what to say."

Her eyes were sad and brimmed with tears. "Jasper, I've loved you since the moment I woke up to this life. You've been through so much; put yourself through so much to be with me. Sometimes I wonder if my visions of you were self-created. Did I see us together because it's what _I _wanted or what _you_ wanted? Did _you_ choose me or did you simply go along with the choice _I _already made? I know that you love me, and you've been… happy… with me for these last few decades…" I cut her off.

"Alice, please believe me when I say that I _do_ love you. You are my savior. You pulled me out of the hellish existence I was in and showed me just how beautiful, how fantastic this world can be. You showed me that my world – my existence – doesn't have to revolve around blood and power. I chose you, and I don't regret it, not for one minute," I stopped, this next part was going to kill me – and her – to say, but I knew I had to. She put one of her small hands over my mouth.

"I understand. You don't have to say it; I'd rather you not say it. I'll always love you, Jasper, but I've seen the future, and if there is even the smallest possibility for you to be as happy as I see you there, I want you to take it. I won't say this doesn't hurt, surely you can feel that, but I won't be so selfish as to try and keep you when you no longer belong to me."

"Alice, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know how to exist without you. I love you, I do. I just… can't stop this. It's like I'm being swept away by a tidal wave, and there's nothing I can do but try and keep my head above water and not drown," I said as sobs began to shake me.

"You _can_ exist without me. I've seen it. Besides, I'm not leaving. This is my family, you are my family. We just have to redefine our roles," she pulled my chin until I was looking at her golden eyes. She pressed her lips softly against mine. "I'm going back inside now. You should come in when you feel like you can," she murmured and then was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Edward's POV

I ran into the house before I did anything I would regret. I sat in the chair beside the bed and watched as Bella went through the agony of the change. She would never forgive me for leaving her, for allowing this to happen to her. _I _would never forgive myself for that either. She was so beautiful – so exquisite – even as she lay in torment. It was all I could do to not touch her, to not pull her into my arms. I wanted to, more than anything else, but she allowed no one to touch her. If anyone came close – and some had, Alice especially followed closely by Esme – she thrashed about and cried louder. My poor Bella.

The images I saw in Jasper's mind of Bella made me shudder, but I could not erase them from my mind. Bella lying on the forest floor – where I'd left her – for hours, Bella – thin, pale, empty-eyed – crying day after day, night after night, Bella screaming herself awake, Bella throwing out her books, her CDs, everything that could somehow remind her of me. I felt sick – to my very core. How could I have done that to her – to my Bella, the girl I loved? Jasper was right; the words I said were needlessly cruel. If only I'd listened to Alice and never left in the first place! I'd broken her; left her, but Jasper… he stayed. He'd fought the same bloodlust I had fought over and over again. I could see in his memories how hard he'd tried to help her through the pain – pain that I caused.

I did appreciate how he helped her, but I was filled with rage as the images of him touching her – _my _Bella – and kissing her went through my mind again. I wanted to kill him – truly I did. I wanted to become the monster that I was. How dare he touch her? She was _mine_. Only she wasn't. I left her, and this… situation – for lack of a better word – was nothing more than what I allowed to happen! I had practically thrown them together. Being here seems pointless, I should leave now before she wakes up.

_Don't you even think about that Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, or I will hunt you down even if I have to go to the ends of the earth to find you. _Alice thought.

I groaned inwardly, but how could I stay? I came home with the delusional idea that perhaps Bella could love me again, would take me back, but how could she?

_I'm serious. Don't you dare leave, or I'll get Rosalie to take both your cars apart. You'll be able to fit them into a cardboard box when she's finished._ I held my head; even in her thoughts Alice's voice was shrill and annoying.

It didn't matter. I could never really leave. I was not strong enough to live again without her. Even if she did not want me any longer, I would stay. It would kill me to do so, but it was no one's fault but my own.

Time went by at a torturously slow pace as if to punish me for my part in the damning of an angel. Each scream cut through me like a knife piercing my heart, but her calling out for Jasper was worse. Esme tried to comfort me, but there was nothing she could say. I thought the last six months had been my own personal hell, but I was wrong. _This_ was my personal hell.

Everyone else steered clear of the room. Alice came in and out, but I knew she was hurting. The visions she had were changing so rapidly, their frantic pace leaving _me_ nearly dizzy; I knew she must be as well. Rosalie and Emmett went hunting – Rosalie couldn't bear to be near when anyone was changing. It brought up too many memories of her unfortunate birth into this life. Carlisle was doing damage control. He already made plans for us to return to Denali as soon as possible. With a police chief as her father, her disappearance would not go unnoticed for long. No doubt people were already searching for her at this very moment. The less time we spend here in Forks, the better.

Bella's screams had died down, and she now lay in relative silence. Every few minutes a whimper or moan would escape her lips, but she kept her eyes tightly shut. Her pain seemed more manageable, and I suppose we had Jasper to thank for that. He lingered outside the door, not daring to come in. The transformation was half-way complete when I first heard it.

_Edward._

The volume of the thought stunned me. It was as if this person was screaming at me, screaming my name, yet the voice was soft and melodic – beautiful yet completely alien in my head. I quickly accounted for every person in the house. They were all where they should be. No new person – vampire or other – was in the house.

_Edward_._ Edward. Edward. Edward. _

The word repeated itself like a mantra in my head. Its familiarity was apparent, but the identity of the errant thought eluded me. It was right on the tip of my tongue. I looked down at the beautiful girl beside me and realized it was her! I could hear Bella's thoughts! Perhaps the change made her thoughts accessible to me? I wasn't sure. I did not have time to ponder the possibilities because they were gone now. It was as if they were nothing more than smoke, gone so quickly I was sure I'd imagined them.

Then the images of her and Jasper were back.

"Jasper," I growled. "I know you are out there, but could you _please_ refrain from thinking about that?"

He peered into the doorway, a look of confusion on his face. "I'm not thinking about anything. Other than the usual."

The images continued, however, but they were different than the memories I'd seen in Jasper's mind earlier, I realized. This wasn't a memory, this was a dream. _Bella's_ dream. Bella was sitting on her bed crying when Jasper jumped into the room. I tried to block the thoughts before it got any worse, but I couldn't. They were so _loud_, like the dream was on surround-sound in my head.

"Is everything all right?" Jasper asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think so. It's Bella. I can hear her thoughts, or rather see her dreams, I'm not sure."

"I'll go get Carlisle," he offered and hurried down the hall.

In my head, the dream continued. I was forced to watch the scene I'd seen replayed many times in the last day and a half or so, yet this time was quantifiably worse. Everything was in slow motion. Bella was obviously surprised that he was there. I suppose I could find comfort in that at least; she wasn't privy to his nightly visits. After nearly a century of hearing thoughts and dreams, I never paid attention to the vivid realism dreams possessed. I could hear Bella's heartbeat accelerate, pounding rapidly in the dream as she spoke to Jasper; could hear it become frenzied when he kissed her; could nearly smell her scent.

"Edward? Jasper said you needed me?" Carlisle asked.

"It's Bella. I can hear her thoughts."

Carlisle rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That is unexpected," he murmured to himself. "I would think her protection from your power would only be enhanced."

"Her thoughts are different. They are so loud," I said. "And I can't block them."

Carlisle studied Bella a moment before answering. "You can't block them?"

"No," I answered. "Though I wish I could." I added as the dream suddenly changed.

Bella was in the woods; a heart-breaking look on her face. She was talking to someone, but I could not make out their face. I closed my eyes, hoping that it would somehow cause the figure standing in the shadows to move where I could see. Their identity did not remain a mystery though as the dream played out, and I was able to hear their conversation.

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me,"_ the dream me said.

Bella's face dropped, and I shook my head trying to clear the image out.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, he sounded extremely concerned.

_"You… don't… want… me?" _she whispered. I could see her attempt to hold in the tears.

"She's dreaming, and I can't stop it. I can't not watch it," I whispered.

I watched as the dream me, with a face of complete indifference uttered the one word that broke my heart. _"No."_ I couldn't believe how cold it sounded. When I said that, I thought I would break down. It was all I could do to get the word out.

"I could stay with her; if you need a break, that is." Jasper said.

Bella's face changed. It went from complete devastation to understanding. "_Well, that changes things."_

"No," I growled. "I'm not leaving her side. You can leave though. Sorry to have bothered you, Carlisle."

I shook my head in a desperate attempt to once again block the thoughts. I knew what was coming. I was about to utter the words that would break my heart – break her heart. Living through it once was bad enough. I couldn't possibly bear to hear them again.

_"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm … tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human_ _I've let this go on for far too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

"I'll go check my study. You can come with me, Jasper, if you want. Perhaps we can find some answers."

"_Don't. Don't do this,"_ she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Edward? Are you alright?" Jasper asked.

_ "You're not good for me, Bella."_

I shook my head. "The dream, it won't stop." It was horrendous; having to watch the blackest moment of my life again.

_"If…. That's what you want,"_ she whispered.

Jasper sighed. "I can make the dream stop. She's only sleeping because of my influence. I could…"

The growl tore out of my chest. "No!" I roared. "I'd rather go through this a thousand times than cause her anymore pain. How could you even think I would want to do that?"

The images in my head shifted as I watched myself kiss her on the forehead and walk away. It had taken every ounce of self-control I had to walk away that afternoon, yet it had all been for naught. I broke her – and myself – for nothing!

"I don't want her to hurt either," Jasper murmured softly as he exited the room.

I managed to subdue the growl forming, but no doubt, he would feel my anger. I left to protect her! Not because I didn't love her! And for this to happen anyways, I felt wretched. I climbed in bed next to her, careful not to touch her. Her heartbeat was getting slower every minute. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the visions of her wandering in the woods calling for me.

"I'm here, Bella," I whispered.

It was strange how much comfort just lying here with her brought me. It was so reminiscent of the not-so distant past when we were both in love and happy. Perhaps one day she would love me again. I could only hope so. To think otherwise was simply too unbearable. As her voice in my head began to shout my name incessantly; I hoped that my name was as imprinted in her heart as it seemed to be in her thoughts. 

Jasper's POV

I sent Edward some calming waves as I followed Carlisle downstairs to his study. I sat opposite of him in one of the leather chairs in front of his desk while he began perusing his collection of folk-lore.

I created such a mess. The enormity of the situation continued to baffle me. The words of Sir Walter Scott echoed in my head; _"What a tangled web we weave_…" With one action, I had effectively ruined four lives – the least important being my own. I'd taken away an innocent girls life – ripped her from her home, from her time, from her soul – if I believed like Edward did which I wasn't so sure I did – from her friends. Friends… that Jacob Black was more than a friend to her, I thought. At least he wanted to be, from what I could tell of his feelings. That _dog_ would never be good enough for her. Bella really does attract all sorts of mythological creatures. His only saving grace was that I could not go across the border. After hearing her cry for him the night before the "incident", I'm not sure I could stop myself.

"Damn it," I growled as I remembered the treaty. Don't _bite_ – not kill – another human. Damn it. And this wasn't any human. This was the human Jacob Black was in _love_ with.

"Is something the matter, Jasper?" Carlisle asked tentatively taking in the imprints my hands had caused from grasping his desk too hard.

"Yes," I murmured. How foolish I had been. I was supposed to be a military man – taught to expect the unexpected. Planning, strategizing, those were the only things I _knew. _All of that was laid to the wayside when it came to Bella. Sweet beautiful Bella.

"Go on," Carlisle urged after a minute.

"The wolves are back," I spat out, the anger I felt at myself penetrating my voice.

Carlisle looked aghast. He ran his hands through his meticulously neat hair. "Are you certain?"

I only nodded, my lips set in a hard line.

"There's no need to panic yet, Jasper. They may never discover your indiscretion," Carlisle said with a sigh. He continued to flip through the large volumes in front of him.

"There's more," I admitted, lowering my head into my hands.

I could feel Carlisle's gaze on me as he watched me expectantly. "Yes?" he asked.

I pulled my hands away from my face and fumbled with a pen on his desk.

"Bella… well, she's grown close to the… pack," I mumbled.

Carlisle exhaled slowly. "Close?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes."

"In what way? Is this the same one who alerted her to our true identity?"

"Yes, Jacob Black. I can't be sure of how close they are. I would say…" I stopped. Closer than I would like. Even the thought made me growl. "Relatively close. She spends quite a bit of time in La Push, and he in Forks."

He shut the book with a resounding thud. "Well, this… complicates things a bit, but I'm sure we'll be able to leave before they become aware of the… situation," he said. He looked uncertain, but his emotions seemed fairly confident.

"Leave?" Rosalie screeched as she flew down the stairs. She entered the room, the door banging loudly against the wall. Her voice was shrill and loud as she continued her tirade. "We've only just arrived. How many times will we be forced to uproot our lives because of _him_?"

The anger radiating off of her was astounding – even my attempts to calm her failed. In fact, it only seemed to make it worse.

"Rosalie," Carlisle began in a calm voice as if speaking to a child. "This is not entirely Jasper's fault. You are aware that our remaining time here would be unlimited. I believe it's best to just get a fresh start now. There's no need to wait."

"That's ridiculous, and you know it. The fault lies with him. Why should we – why should _I – _be forced to move?" she cried.

"Of course, you are free to do as you wish, as always, Rosalie. But as the head of this family, I think its best to move, so move we shall. Now, whether you choose to remain with us, as I said, is up to you."

Rosalie snarled and huffed out of the room. "Don't think this is over, Jasper Whitlock. You may have Carlisle wrapped around your little finger, but I'll be damned if I sit back and let you ruin _my_ life. And _leave my emotions alone!_"

I turned back to Carlisle who was rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry," I told him with as much sincerity I could muster through my anger. Even after all these years, Rosalie's selfishness never ceased to surprise me. "I never meant to cause all of this chaos. I will leave. I don't want to be the reason the family is uprooted."

Carlisle shook his head. "As I told you earlier, you are part of t his family, Jasper. You are as much my son as Edward or Emmett. Even without the break in the treaty, we would have to leave soon. We could feasibly stay a bit longer, but we simply can't have a newborn this close to society. It just isn't wise. No, I stand by my decision for us to leave. We'll go to Denali for a while perhaps."

I nodded. "Any idea why Edward can now hear her thoughts?"

"No," he sighed. "Bella's mind continues to be a mystery. We'll just have to wait and see."

I felt an outburst of emotion from upstairs followed shortly by Bella screaming.

"Don't touch me!"

I ran upstairs as fast as I could. Edward's panic hit me full force, adding to my already growing panic. Bella's screams were becoming frantic. She was writhing on the bed; Edward was the only one who remained in the room. He was at her side, his hands stroking her face, whispering soothing words in her ear.

"Shhh, Bella," he murmured. "It's going to be all right. It will be over soon, I promise. Shhh."

"Don't touch me!"

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bella. Everything is going to be all right. I promise."

I looked down at Bella, her brown hair wet with sweat, dried blood on her lips from where she'd bitten them. It broke my heart to see her this way and know that it was because of me.

I turned to walk out of the bedroom. I wanted to get a wet washcloth to wipe her face with.

"Don't leave again, please, don't leave again," she sobbed.

"I won't, Bella. I swear," he promised. "I'll never leave again."

The pain pierced the place in my chest where my heart once beat as I left the room to get the washcloth.

"Don't leave," she shrieked again. "Please… don't leave, Jasper."

Edward recoiled away from her. He moved deftly to the chair in the corner of the room.

I quickly walked to the other side of the bed. Her eyes flew open as she searched the room for me.

I sat on the edge of the bed, and she curled into my lap. My eyes flicked back to Edward who looked stunned. The pain and guilt he felt was intense. I hesitantly touched Bella's hair, and let my hand slide down her back. My gift was strongest when I had physical contact. Within seconds, her cries died down.

He stood stiffly. "I'll go get the washcloth, then," and walked out of the room.

I pulled her into my arms; she buried her face into my chest, inhaling deeply. I felt another wave of pain crash through her. I rested my head on top of hers.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I really am," I murmured into her hair.

Edward returned a moment later with the washcloth. I washed her face as best I could with Edward watching my every movement. His emotions were in a whirlwind.

"I'm not leaving you alone with her," he told me with a glare.

"That's fine. I didn't think you would. She still loves you, you know." I replied.

His eyes widened. "Does she?"

"Yes," I said with a slight wince, looking at Bella's sleeping form in my arms. I knew she was still in pain, and I would give anything to be able to carry all of it for her. "I know you don't believe me, Edward, but I really did not mean for any of this to happen. I have no intention of 'taking her from you'. I won't stand in her way if she wants to be with you. In fact, I expect it."

His emotions changed to surprise. "Then, why did you tell Alice?"

I shrugged. "Because it was the right thing to do. Regardless of what happened before or what may happen in the future, I can't change the way I feel. It isn't right to continue on with her when I feel that way about Bella. Alice deserves to be with someone who can love her fully."

He nods, but doesn't respond. We sit this way for the rest of the night – watching the girl we both love as she slowly dies, both of us believing the fault lies within ourselves, though the fault is mine. It is Edward's nature to shoulder the blame for everything related to Bella – even those things he has no control over, but there is no doubt for the role I played in all of this. I set the course for this disaster the day the cut on her finger caused me to forget all reason. I should have stayed away from her then. I knew the effect her blood had on me. I _knew_. It called to me almost as strongly as it called to Edward. But it is too late for the what-if's and could-have-been's that plague my thoughts now.

The hours passed slowly, neither of us moving from our respective spots. The family flittered in and out never staying long. Her heartbeat has slowed considerably and Edward's tearless sobs increase as it decreases. When it finally beats out its last song, both of us wait with baited breath – neither knowing what to expect when she opened her eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Bella's POV

My memories of what happened after I felt his teeth pierced my skin are scattered. The pain drowned out everything; there was no room for anything else. There were other people near me, I thought – I could hear them arguing – but I wasn't sure if they were really there. The fire was unquenchable, unyielding, unrelenting. It burned me from the inside out. If I thought the bite on my hand from James was bad, it was nothing compared to this. Time had no meaning, it stretched out endlessly. Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, hours became days. I thought it would never end.

The pain receded with the fire, and for one brief second, there was complete silence. No breathing, no heart beating, no speaking, nothing. Then, I felt the world crash down on me. Anguish, guilt, anger, regret filled me, suffocated me, but there was something else as well. Part of the fire remained. It burned unbearably in my throat. My eyes were still closed, and I made no attempt to open them. I felt like I was being buried alive. The emotions I felt held me down; paralyzed me. The fire in my throat flared again. Questions began to fill my mind. Where was I? What had happened? I tried to think about the last thing I remembered before the pain.

I remembered Jake, our fight. _Not the right kind of monster for you, _he'd said. Werewolf, he was a werewolf. I remembered blonde hair, jumping through my window. Jasper. Kissing Jasper, touching him, his teeth sinking into my flesh. Then fire and pain. Vampire. Was I a vampire? No, that must have been a dream. Jasper was gone. Just like the rest of them.

"Yes," a velvet-voice near me whispered. _His_ voice.

No. It wasn't true. I shook my head and let out a strangled cry as the fire continued to ravage my throat. I must have gone off the deep-end. This was a dream, a nightmare – albeit more realistic than the others – but still. Maybe I was dead. Maybe Victoria had gotten to me, but I didn't think that would really happen. Jake and the pack were watching; they would have noticed. I definitely hadn't imagined Jasper – even in my dreams, I don't think I was that creative.

"You're not dreaming, and you are not dead. Well, technically, I suppose you _are_, but…" he trailed off.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, and my arm wrapped around myself involuntarily. No. It wasn't true. I couldn't be a vampire. This would kill Charlie… and Jake. _Werewolves have enemies? _Only one. Fate certainly wouldn't be this cruel. To take away _him _first and then Jake? No. An eternity alone? I didn't think I could bear it.

"No," I started to say, but stopped. That wasn't my voice, was it? It was too musical, too beautiful, too much like _his_.

"Bella," another voice, dripping with honey, said. I felt a hand touch my cheek. "Open your eyes."

I opened them slowly. The light was so vibrant, it was blinding. Everything was magnified, like I'd been nearly blind before and now I had 20/20 vision. I saw Jasper, his blonde hair falling in his face. He looked more beautiful now that I had remembered. Like an angel. Without thinking, my hand flew to his face and I touched his lips. They were no longer cold and hard. They felt soft. I wanted to kiss him again, like I'd done however many days before. I wondered for a second if his taste would be intensified as well. I started to lean in, but I heard a snarl behind me, and I looked around. It was _him_. I stared at him for a minute, taking in his perfection. His bronze hair, his thick eye lashes, his lips, his face, _him_.

"Edward," I breathed. I was definitely dreaming. I probably fell out of bed and sustained some sort of brain damage. Yeah, that had to be it. First imagining Jasper coming though my bedroom window and kissing me, and now Edward? Maybe I was in a coma, and I'd never wake up.

Edward chucked, the melody filling my ears. It was the most fantastic sound. "Only you would think you were in a coma. I assure you, you are not asleep," he frowned. "We can't sleep, remember?"

I looked around the room and noticed all of the Cullen's staring at me. That's when I noticed where I was. This was Alice's room. I looked back at Jasper. His red eyes were studying me intently. I flinched away from him. If he had red eyes, he must have cheated on their "diet". My eyes widened, and I felt myself start to panic. I should not be sitting this close to him if he'd slipped recently. It would be like September all over again. With a pained look on his face, Jasper moved away from me. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in my arms. This could not be happening. This could not be real. I looked around again. Everyone was still staring at me. It was almost as if they were waiting on something, but what?

The ache in my throat was getting worse. I felt so dry. I swallowed a few times, but it didn't seem to help. In fact, it only made it worse. I felt so… thirsty. Maybe I would feel better if I had some water. Maybe I could throw some cold water on myself, and I'd wake up finally.

"Bella," Edward said, lifting my face by my chin so I was looking directly at him. "It's not water you need."

I stared at him, my mind trying desperately to understand the words he spoke, but all I could think about was the dryness in my throat, and the longing for something I could not name. Then another thought came to me. Three times now, Edward had answered my unasked questions. Almost as if… he could read _my_ mind when I knew very well that he couldn't.

"Yes, I can," he replied.

My eyes widened as I realized… my thoughts. Edward could read my thoughts. I gasped.

He sighed. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, Bella. We aren't quite sure how it happened. I've tried blocking you, but unfortunately, your thoughts are rather loud and persistent."

"This is real, then? I'm not dreaming?" I asked, the voice coming out of my mouth too melodic to be my own.

The Cullen's looked at one another. Edward nodded. "This _is_ real," he confirmed.

My eyes flickered over all of the Cullen's, taking in their expressions. I could feel the sadness and regret reflected in their faces. Seconds passed, maybe longer, before I spoke. I thought surely my voice would sound more like a croak than what it did with my throat as dry as it felt.

"H-how did this happen?" I asked Edward. So far he had been the one to handle the majority of the conversation.

He turned to Jasper, who lowered his head. "Perhaps you should ask Jasper that question," he said, his voice low and menacing.

I turned my attention back to Jasper and waited. He sighed. "What is the last thing you remember?"

I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I saw images of beaches, a kitchen filled to the brim with Jake and his friends. I remembered crying in my room. And Jasper. He had come through my window. The entire scene replayed in my head. I remembered the kiss. The way he looked at me, the way his lips felt against mine, the way his skin felt below my hands, the way he smelled, the way he tasted. It had been incredible. Never in my life had I ever felt anything that powerful. The hunger, the absolute need I'd felt. I remembered all of it. He had pushed me against the bed; we were kissing. He took my shirt off, and then…

My eyes flew open. "You… did this? That wasn't a dream?" I managed to say after a second.

He nodded. "I'm very sorry," he murmured softly. "I never meant to hurt you, Bella, please believe that. I let things go too far, and for that I am sorry. I should have never let myself lose control that way."

Confused. I was very confused. "So, you bit me… and I'm a vampire now? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" I asked, but really I didn't need the answer. The ache in my throat, the change in my voice, the lack of a heartbeat… well, those were all the signs I needed, really.

"Yes."

I felt like the room was spinning. This could _not_ be happening. Not possible. I had to go home. I had to see Jake and Charlie.

"C-can I see someone's phone? I need to make a call." I said. My voice seemed so strange; it was like listening to someone else's voice.

"Bella," Edward said in a pained voice, walking closer to me. "I don't think that's a good idea."

With every step he took, every word he spoke to me, the hole in my chest ripped further, if he didn't stop, I wasn't sure what would happen.

"I don't care. I want to talk to Jake," I said, my voice growing slightly hysterical.

"No, Bella," Edward said. He clenched his jaw. I resisted the urge to yell at him. Why did _he_ care if I talked to Jake or not?

"Because he's a werewolf!" he cried out.

"I don't care if he's a werewolf. He's my _friend_. I don't want him to think I've just vanished completely. He doesn't deserve that." _As if I never existed_, I thought.

Edward cringed. "Bella, please. Listen to reason for once."

I ignored him again and turned to face Jasper. "Do you have a phone I can use? If Edward is so against it, I wouldn't want to inconvenience him. I'm sure he is more than ready to return to his… distractions."

"I do. If you're sure that's a good idea, Bella," Jasper said, his eyes looking for any reluctance from me.

"I'm sure. Unless you guys would like a pack of adolescent werewolves out in the woods searching for me…"

"I really don't think it's a good idea, Bella," Edward said again, a growl growing in his chest.

I was surprised about the amount of anger I felt towards him. Sadness, I expected. Anger I did not. "I don't care what you think, Edward." _Not anymore_.

Jasper pulled out his phone reluctantly and went to hand it to me, but Edward grabbed it before I could.

"Give it to me," I hissed.

"Bella," he said, his velvet voice rough. "Bella, I know you are upset with me, and you have every right to be. What I did was terrible, unforgivable, leaving you that way. I'm not trying to keep you away from your friend. I'm trying to protect you. Jacob won't care that you're Bella. All he will care about is that you are a vampire. That's all."

I closed my eyes so that I wouldn't have to see his beautiful face. The anger filled me completely like the growing ache in my throat. It consumed every thought I had until nothing but the fire and fury remained. Jasper rubbed circles on my back, and I felt the anger dissolve somewhat, but it didn't stop the fire. When I opened my eyes, everyone but Jasper, Edward, and I had left the room.

"I think I can handle anything Jacob throws at me," I muttered.

"She needs to hunt soon," Jasper told Edward.

"No, I don't," I said stubbornly. The only thing I needed to do was talk to Jacob.

"Yes, you do, Bella. That fire in the back of your throat? You're thirsty," Edward said.

"You're just trying to distract me, so I won't call Jacob."

"You're not calling him anyway. There is no need for a distraction," he said.

"She can call Jacob if she wants to, Edward. Give her the phone."

"Bella, be reasonable," Edward said.

"Funny you should mention being _reasonable_. And you have no right to tell me what to do. You gave up that right, so just give me that phone."

"No," he said through his teeth.

"Fine, don't give me the phone, then." I jumped off the bed and headed for the door. Edward was in front of me before I ever reached it.

"Where do you think you're going?" he said, his nostrils flared in anger.

"You won't give me the phone, so I'm just going to the reservation to see him."

"Isabella Marie Swan, have you no sense of self-preservation at all? Do you know what he would do to you if you went to the reservation? If you stepped over the treaty line?"

"Seems to me like the _treaty_ is already broken. You shouldn't be so concerned though, really. Jake would _never_ hurt me. I used to spend almost every day with him."

I'd never seen Edward angrier. I thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his head.

"I thought you promised you wouldn't be reckless," he accused.

"I wasn't being reckless. If it wasn't for the pack, I would be dead now. Just because the good vampires in my life abandoned me doesn't mean the bad ones did. As for that promise, you broke yours as soon as the words were out of your mouth. I didn't want to be the only one keeping empty promises."

"What do you mean? Bad vampires?" Edward asked.

"Laurent nearly killed me. He would have if Jake and Sam hadn't shown up when they did, and then Victoria… she's been trying to get me for weeks. I just can't let him think I dropped off the face of the earth."

"Laurent…Victoria," he sputtered.

I looked into his beautiful eyes for the first time in months. This was going to kill me later, I knew that, but I had to talk to Jake. "Please, Edward." I managed to say without wincing. "I _am_ going to talk to him one way or another. Just give me the phone."

He stared at me for several minutes as if he was trying to memorize my face before wordlessly handing me the phone. I walked back over to the bed and looked at the phone. Now what? I had no idea what I was going to say to Jake. Hey Jake, yeah, I know I sorta disappeared in the middle of the night and went missing for three days. I'm fine. What's new you ask? Oh, nothing much… except I'm a vampire now. I shook my head. Nope. That wouldn't work. How about this…Hey Jake. Can't talk, just wanted to let you know I'm a leech now. Later. Nope. That wouldn't work either. Oh, this is better. Hey Jake, sorry I just disappeared. I was making out with my ex-boyfriend's brother when he bit me, and now I'm a vampire. Just thought you'd like to know. Definitely not.

As much as I hated to admit it, Edward _was_ probably right, but I had to talk to him. I groaned in annoyance and dialed Jake's number. I would have gone into the bathroom for a bit of privacy, but with vampire hearing and Edward being able to read my mind now, I figured that was pretty pointless. I waited anxiously until I heard Jacob answer the phone.

"Yeah?" his sounded sad and worn out. I wanted nothing more than to run to him right then and give him a hug.

"J-Jake?" I was suddenly nervous, very nervous.

"Who is this?" he demanded.

"Jake, it's me,"

"Look, I'm trying to sleep, so either tell me who this is or get off the phone," he growled.

Jasper leaned in and murmured in my ear, "You sound very different. He won't recognize your voice."

Oh. I hadn't thought about that.

"I'm hangin' up now," he threatened.

"Wait!" I cried. "Don't hang up. It's Bella."

"Bells?" I heard a crash in the background and voices talking. "Where are you? Do you have any idea how worried I've been? And Charlie? I thought that damn red-haired leech had another partner. His scent was all over your room – even in your bed. We found your shirt and blood. Damn it, Bella, you scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Its okay, Bells. Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you. Everyone's been going crazy. Embry feels terrible. It was his night to patrol. They got a lead on the red-haired leech. He thought you'd be safe."

This was a mistake. I shouldn't have called. "I can't, Jake. I've got to go."

"You're with him, aren't you? I knew you were. The minute Sam told me they were back, I knew. Damn it, Bells. I can't believe you'd just go back to him. After everything he did to you. Charlie's goin' crazy worrying about you, and you're with _him_," he spat out.

"It's not like that, Jake. I know Charlie must be worried. I want to see you, see him; I just can't."

"Yes, you can. You're just choosing to stay with _him_. Don't you see? He's no good for you," I could hear the anger in his voice and could imagine his hands shaking.

"Jake, please," I begged. "I don't want to fight with you."

"Then why did you call me, Bella? Ugh. If you don't want to see me or Charlie, why did you even bother to call me?"

"I just wanted to talk to you. You're my best friend, Jacob."

"Yeah, I was, but if you're going to be with him, Bella… I don't see how we can keep being friends."

"God, Jacob. Get it through your thick werewolf skull. I'm not with him!"

"Whatever, Bella. You think I'm stupid? He comes back, and you disappear. What else was I supposed to think?"

"Ugh! And you call me stubborn. Maybe you are stupid. Didn't we go through this already? I'm not with him. Even if I wanted to be, Jake, he doesn't want me, remember?" I started sobbing, but the tears I desperately wanted never came.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Damn it, I am stupid. Please, don't cry. Just tell me where you are, and I'll come get you. We'll do anything you want to do, I promise. And I won't mention that leech again. Please," he begged. "We haven't taken the motorcycles out in a while, or gone cliff-diving yet. You could even come to the council meeting tonight and watch Embry eat a dozen hot dogs. Just tell me where you are, and I'll come get you."

"I can't. Goodbye Jacob. Please take care of Charlie for me," I whispered between sobs.

"Wait! Bella, no! I love you, don't hang up. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have said anything."

"It's not you, Jake. You know I love you, too. You're my best friend. If it wasn't for you, I'd be locked in a padded cell now, you know that."

"Then what is it, Bella? You don't have to do this, whatever it is, we can work it out! I know you're still in love with him, but I could make you happy Bella. You know I could."

"I know you could, Jake, but… this isn't anything we can change. We can't work this out. There's no going back. Bye Jake."

"Bella, whatever it is, we can! Don't…" I hung up before he could finish that sentence. I dropped Jasper's phone in my lap and sobbed against the bed.

I felt cold – colder than I'd ever felt before. I craved Jacob like I craved the sunlight. He'd always been my personal sun. With a smile spread on his face, he was always able to cheer me up. Make me feel human when I was more zombie than anything. But I couldn't go to him now – probably not ever. No Charlie, No Jake… and Edward might as well not even be here. How was I supposed to stay here? With him? _I don't want you to come with me… you're no good for me… _He was right; I wasn't good for him, for Jake, for anyone.

"Bella, I…" his voice sounded tortured. I could feel him walking closer.

"Just go, Edward, please. Just leave me alone." I said.

"Bella, please," he whispered.

_Just leave, Edward. It's what you do best, after all. _I told him in my head, addressing him through my thoughts for the first time.

He stood there for a minute, but then he left. I curled myself into a ball and sobbed harder when I heard his bedroom door slam shut. Jasper pulled me into his lap and stroked my hair while I sobbed.

The words I told Jacob echoed through my head. _There's no going back._ I was right. There _was_ no going back. Nothing would ever be the same again, and I did not like that one bit.

Jasper's POV

I held Bella while she sobbed. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things that I needed to say to her, but the words wouldn't come, so I just stroked her hair and tried to calm her down. When her sobs finally died down, Esme, Alice and Rosalie poked their heads in the room.

"Bella, why don't you come with us? You'll feel better once you take a shower. I promise no Bella Barbie, honest," Alice said. I saw the sadness in her eyes, but she was feeling hopeful. She was glad to have her friend back.

Bella didn't respond at first but her body stiffened, and I felt her sadness… the same sadness she felt all those months they were gone.

Alice, ever persistent, asked again. "Please, Bella. You'll feel better, I promise."

Bella turned to look at them. "Why didn't you call me Alice? Or write me? Or warn me? You were my friend, my sister! How could you do that? Edward said he didn't love me, that he was tired of pretending, fine! But what about you, Alice? Did you not love me either? Were you tired of pretending to be human, too?"

Tears that would never fall glistened in Alice's eyes. "Bella, I do love you. You're my sister in every sense of the word. I told Edward he was being an idiot, but he wouldn't listen. I wanted to call you! We all did. None of us wanted to leave, but he made us. He wouldn't let us say good-bye or anything."

Bella turned back around and faced me, her red eyes boring into mine. "Jasper, I want to go home. Please take me home. I want to see Charlie, I have to see Charlie."

The three women in front of me sucked in air they didn't need and glared at me. I sighed and braced myself for the emotions that were about to come. "Bella, you can't go home. You can't see Charlie. I'm so sorry."

She started sobbing again. "No! I want to go home. I want to see Charlie. He needs me!"

Esme walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Sweet Bella, why don't we get you cleaned up? Alice is right, you will feel better. Then, we can go hunt if you'd like. I'm sure you are thirsty. We will answer any questions you may have after."

"I don't want to hunt! I don't want to be a vampire! I just want to go home. Please, I have to go."

She was getting more hysterical by the second, but none of my calming waves seemed to work. "Bella, I'm so sorry. You can't go home," I murmured in her ear.

"I don't want to be here! I want to go home."

Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward showed up in the doorway. I motioned for Carlisle to walk over. He's always been the calmest.

"Bella, you cannot go to your old home right now. Perhaps in time you can, but you are welcome to stay here as long as you'd like. We would all be delighted if you would stay, you've always been welcome here. Esme can set up on of the guest rooms for you."

"I don't want to stay here. I want to go home. Why can't I just go home? I don't want this; I don't want to be a vampire anymore. Why can't I go back? I want to see Charlie, I want to see Jake!" she shrieked.

"Damn it, Jasper," Edward growled. He walked over to the bed and dropped on the floor making himself level with her. "Bella, shhh. You can't go home. You know that. Please understand, Bella. Let Alice take you and get you cleaned up."

He reached up to brush the hair out of her face, and she bolted across the bed to the other side of the room. "Don't touch me, Edward!"

He glared at me. "Can't you calm her down? This is your fault! If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't be going through this!"

"Don't you think I've tried?" I said. "It's like she's blocking me. I can feel her emotions, but I can't change them. I could before, but now I can't."

"Boys, none of this is doing any good. You're only making her more upset," Esme scolded.

"Come on, Bells. Let's go see if we can find some irritable grizzlies for you! I'll even let you wrestle if you want!" Emmett said. Rosalie was quick to smack him in the back of the head when Bella only sobbed louder. For all the arguing and name-calling Rosalie had done to Bella and about Bella in the past, she was full of remorse, regret, and sympathy. She walked over to where Bella was sitting on the floor and put her arms around her.

"Bella, why don't you come with me? I've got some clothes you can change into, and then we can talk if you want, but we should probably hunt soon. I know you must be frightened, but it will be all right, I promise."

Before we knew what was happening, Bella let Rosalie lead her out of the room and down the hall to her bathroom.


	7. Chapter 7

Jasper's POV cont.

The second we heard the shower running, the yelling started.

Alice looked more vicious than I'd ever seen her before. She jumped in front of Edward and shook her finger at him. "Did you tell Bella you were tired of pretending to be human? How could you tell her you didn't love her? I knew there was a reason you didn't want us to say good-bye to her or for me to see her future, but Edward, how could you do that to her?"

Fury flashed in his black eyes. "I was trying to protect her from _your_ husband! Trying to keep her safe! Keep her human! A concept which apparently is lost on all of you."

"Alice," Carlisle said. "Edward had his reasons for leaving. The decisions he makes are not yours, they are his. And as his, he does not have to explain them to you. We've already had this discussion at length; must we go through it again?"

"When his decisions cause my sister to think I abandoned her, yes! I told you, I told all of you what would happen if we left, but none of you would listen!"

"Edward's right, Alice. This is Jasper's fault. If he'd just stayed with us, none of this would be happening in the first place!" Emmett said.

"I've already apologized for what I've done! I don't know what else I can do. I only wanted to help her, that's why I went to check on her in the first place."

"I told you to stay away from her! I specifically told you to stay away from her, Jasper. I promised her a clean break. I promised her it would be like we never existed. Why did you insist on going back? You know how little control you have! How could you have risked it? How could you be so stupid? You could have killed her!" Edward roared, jumping on me causing the bed to knock into the wall and the frame of the house to shake.

I struggled to push him off of me. "Damn it, Edward. I know I could have killed her. Don't you think I know that? I made a mistake."

Emmett grabbed one of his arms and pulled him back.

"Edward, outside now!" Carlisle commanded, his normally smooth face contorted with anger.

"No! I won't leave this house until he does. I don't want him near Bella."

"That is not your choice, Edward. Now go outside peacefully, or I'll allow Emmett to take you out by force."

I took a few deep breaths and quickly calmed the room.

"I've had quite enough arguing for one day," Esme said in an unusually harsh voice. "Jasper has already apologized. There's nothing more he can do. Edward, do as your father said and go outside until you can conduct yourself like the gentleman I know you are. Emmett, go with him. Alice, why don't you come with me and let's see if we can get the guest room ready for Bella? When she's finished, we will all go out and hunt, but I do not want to hear one more raised voice. Do I make myself clear? That girl is going through enough without being scared to death by you."

Edward glared at me once more and stalked out of the room. He slammed the front door so hard; the entire house seemed to shake.

"Drama queen," Emmett muttered. He rolled his eyes and followed Edward outside. Esme and Alice went upstairs to see about the room, leaving Carlisle and I alone.

I could not stay still; I felt like a caged animal stuck in this room when every instinct in my body was telling me to go to her, but how could I? I saw the way she reacted when she saw my red eyes. If that wasn't enough, I _felt_ her fear. She was terrified of me. _But_ she had allowed me to comfort her, and she had allowed me to pull her in my arms, allowed me to touch her. Had Edward not attempted to touch her; she may still be in my arms. I wanted her to be. More than I'd ever wanted anything else. It felt so _right_. I felt so _complete_ when she was near me.

"Don't worry," Carlisle said, breaking into my inner turmoil. "All is not lost yet."

I sighed. "It seems like it is. You _saw_ how she reacted to my presence."

"Yes, I did. She pulled away from every single person in this room but you. You will have to be patient, son. She'll need time to adjust. She'll come to you when she is ready, I'm sure."

"I hope so," I said, running my hands through my hair. "I just don't see how she can forgive me. After all I've done, all I've taken from her, how can she?"

Carlisle patted my shoulder before heading to the door. "It is in her nature to be forgiving, Jasper. In September, she forgave you immediately, explicitly, and without any hesitation. I do not for see this being any different. Come on, let's head downstairs and wait. You should probably keep a wide berth from Edward. You know this is going to be a difficult time for him. He may have left, but he did it for the right reasons. He really does love her, but he is young in so many ways. He did what he did because he truly felt he was doing the right thing. There was no malice in his decision, only love."

I nodded and followed Carlisle downstairs. He was right. I knew Edward loved her, even now, his love – and anguish – was suffocating. It made what I did even worse. He called himself selfish, a monster. But I wasn't any better! I was hurting every single person in my family – in my life. Was there no end to the lengths I was willing to go to obtain what I wanted?

A hand struck me on the back of my head and I spun around to discover Rosalie standing behind me with a scowl on her usually beautiful face.

"Could you please contain your emotions? It's bad enough to have Edward throw his little pity parties, but your pity parties effect everyone, so if you _don't mind_; please try to have a bit of self-control – as hard as that may be."

"Well, I'm so sorry my emotional distress is inconveniencing you, Rosalie. God forbid, I think of myself instead of you. I mean, how selfish can _I_ be?" I spat out.

"You don't want me to answer that, my _darling_ brother. The result of your selfishness is upstairs right now sobbing because of _you_, and all you are doing is sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. If you love her as much as you claim, why are you down here when she is up there?"

I wanted to make some biting remark back to her, but she was _right_. She was absolutely right, so instead I headed for the stairs. I did love her, and I wanted her to know that. Or at the very least comfort her as I had before.

"She's in my bedroom," Rosalie said softly. "Do not hurt her, or the next time I put my hands on you, I'll be pulling off a piece of you."

I walked quickly to her bedroom, but the door was ajar and no Bella could be seen in either her room or her bathroom.

"Bella?" I called, coming back into the hallway

I walked down the hall to mine and Alice's room and found her in my bed.

"Can I come in?" I asked her. Her back was towards me, facing the wall, her dark hair still wet from the shower.

She shrugged. "It's your room," she reminded me. "So, I guess you can come in if you want."

I walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. She was less than a foot in front of me, but no words would come to me. What should I say to her? What _could_ I say to her?

"Why were you in my room that night, Jasper?" she asked as if it was the easiest question in the world to answer. Like she was asking me if it was Monday.

"It's… complicated," I started. She shot up, the anger rolling off of her in waves.  
"It's complicated?" she repeated. "I'm sure I can handle it now that I am a vampire. That's part of the change right? Superior brain capacity?"

"Bella, that's not what I meant at all," I said and ran my fingers through my hair. "It's just… if I tell you this. You're not going to like it."

"You're right, I might not. But I deserve to know! I deserve to have the opportunity to like or dislike something. I'm not as incapable as you or your family would like to believe. I don't need _anyone_ making my decisions for me, and I don't need _anyone_ deciding what's best for me! Your _brother_ has already done enough of that for everyone!" she took a shaky breath. "_You_ owe me this, Jasper. So, please, just tell me why you were in my room that night? Why?"

"You're right. I do owe you that and so much more – more than I can probably ever repay – and I promise I will give you the answers you deserve," I said but she cut me off.

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered.

I sighed and cursed Edward mentally. How could he put such doubt in her head? "I will tell you, Bella. That is a promise I will keep, but let's hunt first. Then, we can go for a walk and talk away from everyone else."

"Fine," she muttered. "Let's go make this whole vampire thing official."

I chuckled lightly, glad that she seemed to be taking it a bit better than earlier. "Yeah, well, the initiation ceremony is tomorrow. Think you can handle it?"

"Depends on what it entails. I'm sure I'm already more than qualified," she quipped. "I am friends with a pack of werewolves and a coven of vampires… don't know what else I need to do!"

Bella's POV

I watched Jasper suspiciously as we walked downstairs and outside. Something was going on, but he wasn't telling me. I wanted desperately to just curl into a ball and forget everything and everyone. To pretend this day had never happened. But I couldn't. As much as I'd tried to deny it and ignore it, I knew I had to hunt. It would be easier to hide, though, than to deal with the aftermath of what I can only explain as a severe lack of judgment.

Once we arrived outside, I noticed how scattered everyone was. Emmett and Rosalie were standing together. Carlisle was standing with Edward. Esme was standing with Alice. An entire family divided. And I was the reason for it.

Jasper turned towards me with a ferocious look on his face. "Don't you dare feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong. If this family is falling apart, it is my doing. Not yours."

I nodded and watched as six pairs of eyes stared at me.

Jasper sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just I don't want you to feel guilty," he said grabbing my hand.

"Let's just get this over with," I muttered and walked into the woods ahead of everyone else. Jasper walked beside me, and for the first time I realized exactly how fast I was walking. Much faster than a human could walk. Every few seconds I would look at him out of the corner of my eye only to find him looking away as I looked at him. He was clearly nervous, but I had no idea why.

Hunting was… well, I don't think there are any words to really describe it properly. I never understood what Edward meant before, but now I can totally see what he never wanted me to watch him. Hunting basically consisted of the family leading me in the vicinity of animals and once I caught the scent of the deer, I was completely lost. Not lost in the technical sense, but lost in that the only thing on my mind was blood. Apparently my squeamish nature to blood did not carry over; by the time I was back to normal, I had drained three deer and was nearly as thirsty as I had been to start out with. I was so furious that the burning was still there I wanted to knock over a tree, and probably would have if Jasper hadn't calmed me down. After my second emotional outburst of the day, everyone but Jasper and I headed back to the house.

I was "hiding" behind a tree when Jasper crouched down next to me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Talk about what? How I thoughtlessly killed three deer? How I wanted to kill more? How I felt out of control? How rude I was being to everyone? "Not particularly."

"Everyone's first time hunting goes like that, Bella."

"I don't really want to talk about it, Jasper. In fact, I want to forget it happened, and the fact that it's going to happen over and over again."

We sat there in silence for several minutes. I looked into the woods fascinated by my new vision. It really was brilliant. This had to be what Dorothy felt like when she arrived in Oz. The longer the silence went on, the guiltier I felt. Something told me this was not my guilt, but Jasper's. I looked over at him. He was staring at the ground, a piece of his hair in his face. I reached over and brushed it away.

"It was just as much my fault as it was yours, Jasper."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand and continued to speak. "You warned me not to get closer, but I didn't listen. It's not like I didn't know the risk I was taking. I did. Edward told me countless times, but I just didn't care."

He sighed. "But it was my weakness, my inability to stay away from you that caused all of that. You would have never had to make the decision if not for me."

"Which brings me back to my original question. Why were you in my room that night?"

He sighed again and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "Bella, the other night when I came through your window, it wasn't the first time."

I did not expect that. "Really?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I've been watching after you since September."

Whoa. Definitely didn't see that coming. "Why?" I asked.

"At first, it was because I felt guilty for what happened, for not having enough self-control, for causing Edward to leave you. I wanted to do what I could to help you."

I sighed and pulled him closer. "Jasper, don't feel guilty for Edward leaving. I

don't blame you for that and you shouldn't blame yourself. Edward left because he doesn't love me anymore, not because of that. I forgave you a long time ago. Wait, I thought you went away to college – to Dartmouth."

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'll take it. As for college, I decided to wait a year – to make sure you were all right."

My mouth gaped open. "You… put off college to watch over me because you felt guilty for Edward's stupidity?"

He sighed. "At first, but then… Bella, somewhere along the line…" he trailed off.

His amber eyes looked at me with such intensity it took my breath away.

"Bella," he started again, pushing my hair away from my face and pressing his lips gently to mine. "I think – no, I'm empathic, so I know – I'm in love with you."


	8. Chapter 8

Jasper's POV

Bella's eyes widened as she processed my words. "I… don't know what to say," she murmured more to herself than to me.

I gave her a small smile and stood up, pulling her up along with me. "You don't have to say anything. Let's go home now. I'm sure Esme is waiting to show you your room."

We walked back to the house silently, and sure enough Esme and Alice were waiting in the living room. She followed them to the guest room which was on the third floor several doors down from Edward's room.

"Thank you," she said, her musical voice echoing throughout the entire house.

"We'll let you get settled in," Esme told her.

That was two days ago. Two days without hearing her voice or seeing her. It felt unbearable, but I knew this was what she needed. She'd gone through so much in such a short period of time, who could blame her for wanting to be alone?

My musings were interrupted by a knock at my new bedroom door. I was now staying in a guest room next to Rosalie and Emmett's room – much to my chagrin. I opened the door to find Bella standing there, her emotions a chaotic whirlwind that surrounded me.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course," I said and motioned for her to come in. I sat the book I'd been attempting to read down on the bed.

. "Why did you move out of Alice's room? Does she know how you feel about me?"

"She knows, Bella, and she has for some time. Longer than I have, I think," I said.

She began pacing. "I've been thinking. Non-stop for two entire days. Two days, Jasper! And I just don't know."

"Don't know what?" I prompted her after a few minutes of silence.

"Why I can't stop thinking about it!"

I arched an eyebrow at her. What was she talking about? "Thinking about what?"

"This," she said coming up to me and before I had time to react her lips were on mine. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me impossibly close to her. Her hands were twisting in my hair. I could feel every inch of her body as she pressed against me. I ran my hands down her sides and rested them on her hips. I gasped as she nipped my bottom lip.

She pulled away, embarrassed. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to bite your lip."

I didn't answer her. Instead I brought my lips back to hers and nipped her lip as she'd done mine before my tongue demanded entrance. She moaned loudly into my mouth when our tongues met. I pushed her roughly to the bed, but this only seemed to double the amount of lust coming off of her. It was like we were picking up where we left off before. She stopped kissing for a second and pulled her shirt off exposing the perfect porcelain skin underneath. I moved my lips away from hers and trailed kisses down her neck; she was panting loudly as I reached her breasts. I ripped her bra off, too impatient to remove it properly. Her hands clasped my hair tightly, and she cried out as my tongue darted across one of her nipples. I moved down her stomach until I was at the waistband of her pants.

"We have to stop," Bella said, her voice was soft and breathless. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let it get this far."

I groaned and pushed away from her. Neither of us spoke for several minutes, both attempting to regulate our breathing.

She sighed, a smile playing on her lips. "I really _did_ come to talk, you know."

I nodded. "Anything in particular?"

"I've been thinking. About what you told me before, about Edward, about Jake, about a lot of things. It's fuzzy, you know? My memories, I mean. I didn't think it would happen so soon. I love him, but all I can seem to think about – or remember – is the pain. I know we must have had something – something special, but I have nothing left in me to prove it. It's like I'm watching a movie on TV, but instead of starting at the beginning, I start in the middle. I know there is a beginning, I just can't see it," she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Even though I love him, Jasper, it doesn't change anything. The pain I felt when he left me was nearly unbearable, I'm sure you know that if you were there. I can't go through that again, I just can't. I barely survived the first time, and now I don't think I could at all. Everything feels so much more intense – more vivid – than before. If the anger, the happiness feels this way, I can't imagine the pain."

"Where does this leave us?" I asked her, terrified of hearing her answer.

She sighed and bit her bottom lip. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not kiss her again. "I don't know, Jasper. I'm sorry for that. I still love him, even if he doesn't feel the same way about me."

"He loves you," I told her sadly. "He always has."

She scoffed. "Does it matter? He _left_ me, Jasper! If he loved me, he would have stayed."

"He had his reasons, Bella, and they aren't mine to tell. Maybe you should talk to him. Allow him to explain."

"What good would that do? It doesn't change the past!" she cried, throwing her arms out.

"Of course not, Bella, but if you don't talk to him, if you don't get closure, you will regret it."

She got off the bed grabbing her shirt and ruined bra. "That is my choice to make," she said before slamming the door as she left.

I ran my hands through my hair and groaned. One step forward and two steps back.

Bella's POV

I stood outside Jasper's door and quickly put my shirt on before heading upstairs to my room. I wasn't mad at him per say; I was mad at myself. I was only irritated because he was right. I knew that I would have to talk to Edward eventually, but that didn't mean I wanted to do it. I was so confused. I had no idea what I was doing. I only went to his room to talk; I have no idea what possessed me to kiss him. I walked into my room and threw myself on my bed, wishing for the thousandth time in the last two days I could sleep. At least then I could escape for a little while. Even the nightmares were better than the incessant thinking and analyzing that I did constantly.

A noise to my left alerted me to the fact that I was not alone. I opened my eyes to find Edward sitting on my couch.

"How long have you been there?" I asked him.

"A while. I came to talk to you, and you were gone," he said calmly. His face was a mask of perfect composure, not allowing a single emotion to shine through. Exactly how he looked back in September.

"I don't want to talk. I want to sleep." I said with a sigh. "Not that I can anymore," I added.

"We need to talk, Bella."

I set my jaw and glared at him. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Fine, you don't have to speak, then, but I have things I would like to say to you," he said and squared his jaw.

I sat up in the bed, curling my feel underneath me and tried to prepare myself for whatever it is that he was going to say. "And if I don't want to hear them?" I taunted.

"You don't have a choice."

I sighed. "I never do, do I?"

He ignored that remark and continued on. "Bella, when I left you in September," he started. My entire body tensed, and I wrapped my arms around my chest. I kept my eyes fixated on the dark blue comforter that covered my new bed, trying to ignore the voice repeating the words in my head. _You're no good for me_, but to no avail. The words were always there in the background.

"That is exactly what I wish to speak to you about. Bella, I had to leave you. I couldn't think of any other way to keep you safe, to keep you out of danger – danger that _I_ brought to you." His face was screwed into an expression of intense pain, his voice was soft, had I been human, I would not have even heard his next words. "I lied to you, Bella. I told you that I did not want you when nothing could be further from the truth. I told you that you were no good for me when you are the best part of my life. I told you I did not love you, but that was a lie because…"

Anger shot through me white hot. "Stop, don't say another word. I don't want to hear it," I interjected.

"I do love you," he finished.

The pain was instantaneous and intense. It coursed through my veins like the venom that now flowed there. It threatened to rip me apart. I wished for the numbness that used to protect me from this pain. My breath came out in short spurts, and I nearly felt dizzy. I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions.

"If you love me, then why did you leave?" I asked.

"You deserve better than me, better than what I can give you. I wanted you to live a normal human life. To find love in a normal human, start a family, grow old. To live without the shadows I brought into your life."

"So you left me for my own benefit?" I asked slowly. "To protect me?"

"Yes, Bella, I did. I never wanted to leave you, please believe me, but I could not continue on the way things were; knowing that I was putting you in harms way at every turn. I sacrificed my happiness to keep you safe because you are the most important thing in my life. I could not bear to think that I was the one responsible for your death. Even now it pains me to know the role I played in damning you to this life."

"What about me, Edward? Did you even think about how your leaving would affect me? Did you even _once_ take what _I _wanted into consideration? Or were you too busy reveling in your self-loathing to realize that leaving me was not the only option you had? You didn't have to leave, but you did! "

"I did what I thought was best, Isabella. It was a mistake, I see that now, but what would you do if you were in my position? If your very presence put the one you loved more than anything in danger? I couldn't see any other way out! I only wanted to keep you safe."

"Well, that worked well, didn't it?" I spat out, venom dripping from my voice. "You left me alone and unprotected! You took yourself out of my life, but you never took the danger out of my life! Laurent nearly killed me, and Victoria still wants me dead! And it's _your_ fault. A mate for a mate, she said. Too bad it won't be quite the revenge she's hoping for when she finally finds me."

"You're right, that is completely my fault, and I take full responsibility for it. I had no idea the mess I was leaving behind when I left you. I tracked Victoria, but I am a poor tracker, and lost her not long after I began. I promise you that she will not be a threat to you any longer. I can assure you of that." His jaw was clenched, his nostrils flared in anger. I could see the muscles in his arm as he attempted to control his anger.

I nodded. "I know she won't be. The pack will find her and kill her."

"I'm not talking about those _dogs_, Bella, though they certainly are a problem."

"You don't have to worry about my safety anymore, Edward. I'm not breakable anymore – physically that is. And you've already broken everything else. As far as Victoria goes, the pack will take care of her, they've never let me down. They killed Laurent and they will kill Victoria. You don't have to worry about that. I'm relinquishing you from any responsibility or obligation you may feel towards me," I told him.

"I don't want to be free from you, Bella. I love you," he said, his voice frantic.

"Will you please leave now? I've listened to what you had to say; now I want to be alone."

"I'm not leaving, Bella. You obviously haven't listened to me."

I jumped out of bed and left the room.

"Where are you going?" he asked, following close behind me.

"Why do you care?" I asked him as I flew down the stairs and out the front door. I didn't know where I was going, but the exhilaration running brought caused the pain to err momentarily, so I allowed my feet to carry me wherever they would. The sun was shining brightly, but the canopy of the forest covered me.

I stopped when I reached an opening. In front of me was a beautiful clearing. The grass was tall and unkempt, but wild flowers grew all over, creating an alluring scent. There was a body of water nearby; I could hear the water flowing gently. The place was oddly familiar to me. I had been here before. The memory came to me then. This was the elusive meadow I searched for with Jake. I couldn't remember why I wanted to find it, but I remembered how elated I had been to finally find it. I remember how the pain tore me open when I walked through the trees, how I laid on the ground, curled into a ball. I remembered how I saw Laurent come through those trees, and the huge wolves that had saved my life.

I stayed in the shadow of the trees, allowing the memories to overtake me, but there was something else about this special place. Something had happened here, I could feel it, but I could not remember it. Why had I searched for this place? Why had my body known to come here? What was so magical about this meadow?

"You really don't remember, do you?" Edward said from behind me.

I shook my head.

"I brought you here not long after you discovered the truth about what I really was. It was here that we realized we were in love, Bella. This was our meadow. I remember that day like it was yesterday. You were so innocent, so happy, so trusting of me – monster that I am."

"I don't remember," I murmured to myself. "Whole chunks of my life are gone, empty. I don't remember being happy. All I remember is the pain. I thought I was happy with Jacob, but it wasn't real. He only filled the hole temporarily." Images flashed in my mind, all the pain and hurt I'd felt since September every bit as intense as it was that day.

Edward moved in front of me, his topaz eyes smoldering, his gaze never leaving my face. "I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you, for the irreparable damage I have inflicted upon you. I am not asking you to forgive me – I don't deserve your forgiveness nor do I want it." He sighed and raked his hand through his already tousled hair.

He looked down at the ground for what had to be only a moment though it felt like hours. When he looked up again, his face was tortured. "Perhaps it is better that you do not remember what we had together. All I've done is bring heartache and danger to your doorstep from the moment I laid eyes on you. I don't trust myself to not hurt you anymore," he said. He brought his head down and brushed his lips gently to mine. "I'm going back to the house now. Please be careful, Bella."

I watched him in disbelief as he walked away. Anger flared in me, getting more intense with every step he took. "So, just like that you are going to walk away?"

He turned around and shrugged, a mask of indifference on his face. "It's for the best."

"Funny how you claim to love me, but all you ever seem to do is walk away! Why did you even bother talking to me, telling me all of those things, if in the end, you were going to walk away? Why? Why did you bother coming back?" I was shrieking now, but I couldn't seem to calm myself down. I followed after him, stumbling over branches in my haste to shorten the distance between us.  
"I don't know," he said simply as he continued to walk. "I wasn't strong enough to stay away from you any longer, but that doesn't change the fact that I am no good for you."

"Are you leaving again?" I asked.

He stopped, the muscles in his back tense. "No, I can't leave. I won't put Esme and Carlisle through that again. It's just that, Bella, you deserve so much more than I can give."

I sank to the ground; feeling like the breath had been knocked out of me, powerless to do anything but watch as he walked away. He said it was _for the best_, but how could it be? Sobs tore through my body as I recalled the conversation we'd just had. My mind wheeled as I attempted to discern the lies from the truth. Was Jasper right? Did he love me? Or was it all a lie?


	9. Chapter 9

Jasper's POV

The house had been eerily quiet ever since Edward and Bella left. Their argument consisted of hushed words, but each syllable reverberated throughout the house as if they shouted them. The carrousel of their emotions finally stopped, but I could still feel them; they were overpowering – their anger, despair, self-loathing, and the one that lingered behind everything: their love. I allowed the emotions to wash over me until they became faint; their intensity muted by their distance. There was a knock at the door for the second time that day – this knock soft and hesitant like the emotions she brought with her.

"Come in," I called. I was still lying on the bed, in the exact position Bella left me in, my forgotten book by my side. I no longer pretended to read it, instead I replayed the memory of kissing Bella, touching Bella over and over again, bringing a new definition to the term masochist since she was surely making up with Edward right now.

Alice entered the room silently, a sad expression on her elfin face. "Hey Jazz," she said softly. "Are you alright?"

I chuckled for a second. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I countered.

"You don't have to ask me; you already know," she stated. I nodded. It was true; I felt her emotions clearly since I had been connected to her for so many years.

"I think I will be," I murmured. It was a lie; I had no idea how I would be. If Bella chose to be with Edward, it would be devastating, but I would respect her decision, her wishes. My desire for her to be happy overshadowed my desire for my own happiness.

"Edward will be back any minute," she started, speaking quickly. "I don't know exactly what was said between the two of them – it's none of my business – but she's not doing well, Jazz. She's my best friend, and I can't stand to see her like that. I can't stand to see her so helpless. If you don't go to her, it's going to be terrible."

I picked up the book next to me and flipped through it mindlessly. It was one of Bella's favorite books – _Wuthering Heights_. It was supposed to be a love story, and I suppose maybe it was – through some stretch of the imagination. "She won't want me to go to her," I said finally. "I am the one who insisted she talk to him."

Alice shook her head vehemently. "You may have wanted her to talk to him, but he made the decision hours ago – before she ever came to your room." The words sank in. Alice had seen what occurred between the two of us. I did not regret it – by any means – but still I felt guilty, felt troubled that I was hurting Alice.

"I'm sorry," I told her softly.

She smiled serenely. "I know you are. Everything will work out – eventually. Don't worry so much."

I nearly laughed. As if I could do anything but worry! The emotional hurricane I experienced in this house made doing anything but worrying impossible.

We heard the door open and slam shut a moment later as Edward entered the house and made his way through to his bed room. His emotions were ten-fold from earlier, the self-blame so thick I felt like I would be drowned in it. Alice rubbed my knee for a moment and stood up.

"I'll talk to him," she said with a sigh. "Not that it will work, that boy is too stubborn for his own good," she muttered.

I nodded. I attempted to send him some calm his way, but when he growled, I quickly cut it off. Perhaps it was better for him to feel that way if what Alice said was true. How many times would he throw away the love Bella offered to him so freely?

"Jasper," he growled menacingly.

_Stay out of my head, Edward._ I told him.

"Remember what I told you," she said before flitting out of the room.

I don't know how long I laid there contemplating whether or not I should go. I _wanted_ to go, but what if she didn't want me? I wasn't sure I could handle the rejection. The murmur of voice downstairs soon became shouting. I tried to block out their words, but of course, I could hear them. Even if they had whispered them, I would have heard. Alice was angry that Edward had left Bella alone outside. She was a new vampire, anything could happen, but Edward knew Alice would see if anything was to happen. Emmett and Rosalie berated Edward for his selfishness, but he was not the only selfish one. Here I lay in bed instead of going to her!

The arguments were still going on when I emerged from my bedroom, tired of brooding. I was on the staircase when the door opened and she walked in. She was muddy and her clothing was ripped. Her normally smooth hair was tangled, and there was a deep sadness etched on her face. That sadness radiated through her entire body.

I heard Edward's breath catch in his throat as he saw her. "Oh Bella, what have I done?"

She walked past him as if he hadn't spoken to her at all, but I saw him flinch at her unspoken words. She turned to Alice, addressing her for the first time since the morning she awoke.

"Is there a guest room on the second floor? I don't want to be on the third floor any more," she said with a frown as she pulled at her dirty t-shirt.

Alice shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bella, but the only available rooms are on the third floor, but we will be leaving here in a few days."

A new wave of anguish flew off of her as she realized we were leaving. "Leaving?" she whispered. "Forks is my _home_. I don't want to leave it. Can I say goodbye at least? To Jacob? I know I can't talk to Charlie, but what about Jacob?"

Edward began to shake his head, but she cut him off. "I don't believe I asked for _your_ opinion."

Edward sighed but remained quiet while Alice went into a vision. When it was over, she looked at Bella. "I can't see the werewolves. I don't know what they will do if they know of your change. Perhaps it's better if you don't, but I can't make that decision for you."

Bella surprised everyone when she pulled Alice in for a hug. "Thank you," she told her and left us all dumbfounded in the living room.

As soon as Bella was upstairs, Alice was bouncing around the living room, moving so fast she was a blur. "Rose!" she called. "Come on, we have to go shopping!"

Rosalie appeared a minute later, her hair disheveled. Emmett was behind her, a mischievous look on his face. I raised my eyebrow knowingly. It didn't take an empath to know what the two of them had been up to.

"Shopping? Alice, I think the first step of getting help is admitting you have a problem," Emmett said mockingly.

Alice growled. "I do not have a shopping problem, but we need to get Bella some clothes. We are leaving in a few days, and she has only two outfits. Obviously she cannot go shopping herself, so this task has fallen upon my shoulders."

The normalcy of this exchange was both comforting and frightening. We'd had conversations similar to this before. The bantering came naturally, yet this was anything but natural. There was a pink elephant in the room that I had placed here. Our roles in the family had all been redefined, and Bella was left afloat with no destination in mind. Edward and I both walked to the stairs at the same time, but I moved back and allowed him to go ahead of me. I reached my room, but was shocked to hear the shower in my adjoining bathroom running. In my mind, I knew Bella was in there. I could smell her, her scent nearly as potent now as it was then. My hand was on the doorknob, but I was hesitant to enter. When she began sobbing, however, the decision was made for me. I opened the door as quietly as I could.

The bathroom was full of steam, and Bella was sitting in the bathtub with the water pouring down on her.

"Jasper," she gasped when she saw me. She stood up, and I tried to look away, but her beauty stunned me. There were no words to describe how beautiful she looked right then.

"I-I'll wait outside for you," I stammered after a moment, but I didn't move towards the door. Instead, I found myself moving closer to her, drawn by some magnetic force.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was rude to you before."

I sighed. "It's alright, Bella. I understand. I had no right to force you to talk to him. You were right, that was your decision, and I should have respected it."

"No, you are the one who was right. It was good that I talked to him. At least now I know why he left, so I don't have to blame myself any longer. I don't have to think he left because of something I lack. I needed closure,"

"And did you get what you needed?" I asked warily.

She nodded. "I think so. I won't lie to you, Jasper, there is a small part of me that wants to be with him – desperately wants to be with him. That part of me would do anything it took to ensure that we were together, but I cannot force him to be with me, and it's obvious that he doesn't want to be with me. Whether or not he still loves me is inconsequential because he has decided he does not deserve love or happiness, and I cannot – will not – go through this insanity over and over again. He may be a masochist, but I'm not. I don't want to hurt anymore, Jasper."

She looked at me then, her eyes still so doe-like though they were no longer the chocolate brown I'd grown accustomed to. Her eyes seemed to be pleading with me.

"I won't hurt you," I promised.

She nodded again. "I know you won't. I'm afraid of hurting you, though."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

Neither of us spoke for several minutes. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The lust rolling off of her was unbelievable.

"Will you kiss me, Jasper?" she asked, biting her bottom lip nervously.

I was in the shower with her before she'd even finished her sentence, completely oblivious that our entire family was beyond that bathroom door. I didn't even stop to take off my clothes. I pulled her in my arms and turned around so that my back was against the wall and the water was falling on her. I pressed my lips to her, sighing as her tongue traced my bottom lip.

She pulled away and laughed a little. "I didn't mean you had to get in the shower with me! You do realize you're still wearing your clothes. You're going to be soaking wet," she said tugging on the bottom of my shirt. Her fingers brushed against my stomach, and I shivered.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked though I knew she did not.

She pulled me closer by one of my belt loops and then she reached up and touched my face as she'd done the night everything had changed. "You look even more like an angel now," she whispered.

"I'm no angel," I muttered. How could I be after what I'd done?

She pushed her hand up my shirt and traced the muscles on my abdomen. She stopped when she felt my body tense.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have touched you…" I captured her lips with my own, stopping her words. I slid my hands down her side and rested them on her hips. She pressed herself against me and kissed me back with the same passion she had the other night. She entwined one of her hands in my hair and pulled me closer to her. She pushed the other one back up my shirt, her fingers gliding over the crescent-shaped scars from my previous life.

She pulled the shirt, accidentally ripping it off. "I'm sorry!" she gasped against my mouth.

I broke the kiss and smiled at her. "No worries. You don't know your own strength yet. I went through many sets of clothes when I was a newborn and I wasn't nearly as wealthy then as I am now."

My smile faded when I saw her frowning at my scars. "What happened?" she asked.

"I'll tell you one day, if you want," I said. She leaned over and began pressing her lips to each scar, starting at the ones above my jeans and working her way to my neck. My erratic breathing stopped completely when her tongue grazed my nipple. I tried to suppress a moan, but when she did the same to the other, I couldn't.

"Bella," I moaned. I lifted her up and pressed her against the wall of the shower. The water was cold now, but neither of us cared. She wrapped her legs around my waist, causing another loud moan to escape.

"Shhh," she admonished me, pressing a finger to my lip. "Won't everyone hear us?"

I paused. "Probably. Does that bother you?" My mind was screaming that we should stop. The entire house would know what was going on – if not everyone else surely at least Alice and Edward would know. I tried to convince myself that this was wrong, but how could it be when it felt so right? There was an electric energy flowing between us, a heat that shouldn't be there when her lips touched me, when her body moved against mine. I gasped and pressed against her, desperate to feel her body against mine – desperate to touch her, feel her, have her – when she tightened her legs and trailed her lips along my neck up to my ears.

She didn't answer, only continued covering my neck and face with soft, gentle kisses while her hand slid down my chest and stopped at the top of my now-wet jeans. She hesitated for a second, her fingers dancing around the button. She was trembling, but I could sense no uncertainty from her – only a desire that matched my own. I looked down at her, her skin sparkling slightly from the sun that seeped through the window above us, her chest rising and falling rapidly with air she didn't need. She was biting her lip. I brought my mouth to hers, tracing her full bottom lip with my tongue before taking it between my own and sucking gently, enjoying the taste that could only be described as Bella. She moaned into my mouth and rocked her hips against me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her, her finger nails digging into my back as she deepened our kiss, her tongue gently touching mine.

We were both gasping for air when our mouths separated. I brushed the wet hair out of her face and caressed her cheek before touching my fingers to her lips. "Are you sure?" I murmured into her ear. This was the moment I'd been anticipating for months, the moment I never thought would come. This was the moment I needed.

She nodded once. I lifted her with one of my arms and removed my soaking pants with the other. I threw them out of the shower, and they landed with a thud on the floor. I lowered her back down gently, the heat of her, the scent of her making me dizzy. I hesitated once again.

"Bella, are you sure?"

She pressed herself against me again, causing my entire body to throb. "I want this, Jasper. I want you," she whispered breathlessly.

I pulled back and poised myself to enter her. If I did this – if we did this – there was no going back.

"Please," she moaned. Her face was pressed against my chest, her fingers clutching my shoulders. "I need you."

When she uttered those words, something else took over my body. It felt almost the same as when we hunt, but the feeling shocked me. In all the years I'd been both alive and dead, I'd never experienced anything like it. I pushed into her with one fluid motion, silencing her moan with my mouth. In that moment, nothing else in the world existed, but the two of us. I didn't care about the snarls and distant crashes I heard from upstairs. I didn't feel the cold water running over me. Nothing else mattered except that we were together, we were one. There was no bloodlust or broken hearts or mistakes – only the two of us and our desperate need for completion.

I was so afraid of hurting her, even though I knew she was now immortal and virtually indestructible, when she was in my arms so small and delicate-looking it was hard to remember that. I didn't move for a second, just stood there savoring the warmth that enveloped me. It was Bella who starting moving first. Her small hands trailing down my chest and settling on my hips pulling me to her as I caught her mouth for another kiss.

"Please," she gasped as I pulled out and pushed back in at an excruciatingly slow pace, the sensation at once both torturous and pleasurable. She grasped my hips frantically, using every ounce of her newborn strength to pull me to her. I could feel her urgency, her need for me. I ran my hands down her side and up her chest. I cupped her breasts in my hands.

She moaned my name loudly as my fingers grazed her nipples. She rocked against me, meeting my thrusts. She kissed my neck, my shoulder, my lips, anywhere she could reach as we moved faster and faster. With her eyes squeezed shut, her hands wrapped so tightly around me as though I was what anchored her to this planet – not gravity – she'd never been more beautiful. Our movements were wild, frantic, and desperate, but everything seemed to be in slow motion when I felt her clench around me and our worlds exploded. I covered my mouth with hers in a vain attempt to muffle the scream, but in a house with so many sensitive ears and minds, there were no secrets. I lowered us both to the floor of the shower and kissed her shoulders as our breathing returned to normal.

"That was…" she said but stopped unable to grasp the exact words to describe what had transpired between us.

"I know." I replied, resting my head on her shoulders. The completeness within me was remarkable.

"Thank you," she whispered.

I shot her a curious look as a wave of serenity crashed over me. "For what?"

"For making me feel like I was enough."


	10. Chapter 10

Bella's POV

I brushed the fallen strands of blonde hair out of Jasper's face and traced the circles underneath his eyes.

"You're thirsty," I murmured before pressing my lips to his neck.

He sighed and pulled me closer. "So are you. We should go hunting."

I shook my head and continued to trail kisses down his neck. I was not ready to leave the sanctuary of the bedroom, of the happiness I found. I looked over at the discarded laptop next to Jasper.

"What are you doing on there anyway?" I asked him, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Forging papers for you," he replied as he closed the laptop and sat it on the nightstand. He kissed me softly before reprimanding me. "Don't change the subject, Miss Swan. Your hand hasn't moved from your throat in an hour, and your eyes are considerably darker. We should hunt again soon."

"That hardly proves anything, Mr. Whitlock. I just hunted yesterday. Besides, I'm always thirsty. I don't think going again today is going to make any difference."

He frowned, and I knew he was feeling guilty. He never stopped feeling guilty for what he did to me – no matter how many times I told him I didn't blame him. Two bliss filled days had passed since the day that everything changed. Since that day, we only left the room once to hunt. We'd spent a majority of the time lying in bed talking and holding each other. I was still trying to adjust to this new life – the hardest part seemed to be the thirst. It never ended. Even if I killed a hundred deer – which had not happened, incidentally – I would still be thirsty. Jasper swore it would get better over time, but somehow I doubted that. I wasn't sure I would ever get used to the enhanced senses either. To hear every word spoken in the house was still completely foreign to me. The loss of privacy – especially of my mind – unnerved me as well.

It still seemed so odd to me that Jasper could actually love me – me, plain ol' Bella – of all people. I expected to wake up and find out all of this was a dream, but seeing as how I can't sleep, that is doubtful. Part of me is insanely happy – well, as happy as can be expected right now. The other part feels incredibly, incredibly guilty. I needed to talk about it – to someone, anyone – but had no idea who to talk about it to. It didn't seem to matter how many times Jasper assured me it wasn't my fault; I couldn't help but feel it was. I broke up a marriage. Slept with my best friend's husband. I was waiting for Jerry Springer to call me and invite me on his show at any moment.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head and ran my hand down the alabaster skin of his chest, smiling to myself when I felt the muscles in his stomach clench at my touch. The half-crescent scars that covered his torso stood out on his skin just as the scar on my wrist did. I couldn't imagine surviving countless bites – the pain must have been nearly unbearable. Why would anyone do such a thing?

My curiosity was piqued, but I didn't want to ask him about them. Though he told me he would tell me one day, I didn't want to ask him again. It seemed like such a painful subject. As soon as the thought appeared in my head, it felt like I was in a dream almost. I could see three vampires. They were looking at a man – he was beautiful with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a uniform of some sort. They approached him. They seemed to be having a conversation among themselves, but I couldn't actually hear what they were saying. Two of them left, but one stayed behind. She spoke to the man, and then walked closer to him. I wanted to scream out, but I couldn't move or speak. I was helpless. I had to stand by and watch while she bit into his neck. The man turned his head, and I saw that it was Jasper. The scene changed, and I saw a dozen red-eyed vampires attacking Jasper biting his arms and chest and shoulders – anywhere they could bit.

The dream was cut off suddenly when I felt someone shaking me vigorously. I blinked my eyes several times, and realized everyone was crowded around the bed looking at me and calling my name frantically.

"That was horrible!" I sobbed, launching myself into Jasper's arms. "I saw those women come up to you! I tried to stop them, but I couldn't, and then all of those other vampires were biting you!"

"Shhh, Bella. It was only… well, I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it's alright," Jasper said, trying to soothe me.

"It looked like a vision," Edward said. "But it was of the past. I think she was seeing the attack that led to your change, and then she saw newborns attacking you."

"Maybe that's her power," Alice suggested.

"Seeing the past?" I asked. My breathing was a bit calmer now that I could see Jasper was indeed okay.

"Hmm," Carlisle said. "It's possible. What were you thinking about before?"

I shrugged. "I just thinking about your scars and wondering how they happened when I saw this dream. It was so realistic." I pressed my face into his chest, allowing his scent to comfort me. I stayed this way for several minutes and when I looked up, everyone was gone.

"Come on," Jasper said, getting out of bed and pulling me out with him. "You need to hunt."

I wanted to argue, but Jasper had a look on his face that told me he wasn't going to budge. "Fine," I muttered, keeping my eyes on the ground. I didn't want to look Edward or Alice in the face. I quickly put my shoes on and followed Jasper downstairs. His arm circled my waist, and I marveled how natural it felt to be so close to him. Once outside, we took off running. Surprisingly, running was the thing I loved most. It was exhilarating to feel as if you could fly, to run without fear of falling. My newfound grace was by far the oddest aspect of the change.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper asked when we reached a small alcove of trees.

"Talk about what?" I asked in a vain attempt to feign ignorance.

"Whatever it is that has you feeling so conflicted," he murmured. He lowered himself onto the ground, and I followed suit, leaning against his chest. It was such a strange feeling, not wanting to be apart from him even momentarily, the ache that resulted in our separation, no matter how brief.

"What we're doing… is it wrong?" I asked, allowing my hair to curtain around my face.

"Do you think its wrong?" he countered. He reached up with one hand and brushed the hair over my shoulder so that he could see my face. He titled my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.

I shook my head. "No, I don't, but I think I should."

"Isabella," he said, his voice stern. "You have done _nothing_ wrong – other than being far too tempting than any one person should be." He leaned over and kissed me softly on the neck. "Even if nothing had happened between us, even if the last three days never happened, I wouldn't be with Alice. I love _you_." He continued trailing kisses up my neck before kissing my lips softly.

I sighed and looked up at him, taking in his appearance. His eyes were nearly onyx now, but I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if they were still blue. I ran my fingers down his face, tracing his angular cheek bones. He was so beautiful. I couldn't believe he could want me, love me. I rested my head on his shoulder. The sun was shining through the trees causing our skin to sparkle like diamonds. I sat mesmerized, watching as Jasper's skin sparkled. The diamond-like quality to our skins brought with it a sense of deja vu. I had seen this before, but when? The memory was there, hidden just beneath the surface. What was it?

"I can't believe you're real," I murmured, turning my full attention towards Jasper – as if I could hold the memories at bay by surrounding myself with nothing but thoughts of him.

"I could say the same about you," he said. "I never thought it would be this way, that it _could_ be this way. All those months I watched you, wishing, hoping, dreaming about this, but never actually expecting to _experience_ it."

I stayed in his arms for several minutes, drinking in his heady scent that always seemed to calm me. A light breeze blew through the trees bringing with it a musky odor. I crinkled my nose at the grotesque infiltration. Jasper stiffened beneath me.

"Werewolves," he hissed. "We have to go."

"Why? It's probably just Jake. He won't hurt us," I protested.

Jasper gave me a pointed look. "I broke the treaty, Bella. If they discover it, it will be war. I can't risk your safety."

"Sounds familiar," I muttered.

His face softened as he sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella. We can stay if you want. He's your friend. I just want you to be prepared. The enmity between vampires and werewolves is strong. He may not consider you his friend now."

I didn't want to admit it, but I couldn't help but wonder if Jasper was right. Jacob never kept it a secret how he felt about _bloodsuckers_ and the Cullen's in general. But he _had_ promised to always be my friend. Had he put conditions on that promise? I'd seen firsthand how out of control a werewolf could be. I looked at Jasper; he loved me, _wanted_ me. My safety was of no importance to me, but his? Could I risk _his_ safety?

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up with me. "Let's just hunt and go home."

"Are you sure?" he asked, studying my face and no doubt sensing my emotions.

I nodded quickly. "Yes. Jacob is my past, _you're_ my future."

He seemed to understand because he entwined his hand in mine, and we ran in the opposite direction of the stench. As we ran, I realized it wasn't only Jacob I was running from, but my past. Only I couldn't outrun it no matter how fast we ran because in the end we would return home. To Edward, to Alice, to the entire family, constant reminders of a painful past that I couldn't fully grasp maybe due to the holes in my memories. I was broken, and I wasn't sure if I would ever be whole again, wasn't sure if I would ever _not_love Edward. Even if I cared for Jasper, even if Edward didn't love me, there would still be a part of my heart that belonged to him, that would always belong to him.

This left me to wonder: how selfish was I capable of being? I couldn't deny that I wanted Jasper, _needed _him, but I also couldn't shake the feeling that he deserved someone who could give him her whole heart. I _wanted_ to give him my whole heart, but it wasn't mine to give. I wasn't sure if he would be satisfied – could be satisfied – with less than all of it, but I hoped with every fiber of my being that he could. I wasn't sure I could survive his leaving now, but I had to give him the option I was never given. He was just a part of this… whatever it was as I was, and he deserved the chance to decide whether he wanted me though I was possibly broken beyond repair.

We were deeper in the forest than I'd ever gone when we finally slowed our gait from a wild, frantic run to a human paced walk.

Jasper smiled reassuringly. "They won't find us now, Bella. Don't worry."

I took a deep breath and uttered the most clichéd phrase in the entire world. "We need to talk."


	11. Chapter 11

Jasper's POV

Had I blood of my own, it would have run cold at her words. Her emotions surrounded me, a chaotic whirlwind – confusion, guilt, despair, and … love? I nodded in agreement. As much as I wish I could avoid it, I knew this moment was coming. I was foolish to believe she could love me, that she _did_ love me.

She sighed and began pacing in front of me "There's something you should know, Jasper – before anything else happens."

My eyes studied hers, trying to make sense of what she was saying. Before anything else happens? Did that mean something else _was_ going to happen? "Okay," I said, apprehension leaking into my voice.

I couldn't help but watch her as she continued her pacing, her body moving gracefully – so different from her gait as a human yet so much the same. Her hair flowed down her back, the sun causing the red undertones to stand out.

She bit her lower lip and stared down at the ground, anxiety rolled off of her. I calmed her as best I could, but the anxiety was still strong. I approached her, taking her hands in mine.

"Bella, whatever it is, you can tell me," I murmured to her.

"I'm so selfish," she finally said. "You deserve someone who can give their entire heart, their entire soul, their entire being to you – someone like Alice. I can't give those things to you because they aren't mine to give – not completely anyway. I would give them in an instant if I could, but I just can't."

I removed one of my hands from her grasp and raised it to her face, caressing her cheek tenderly. "You are the furthest thing from selfish, Isabella. Even now, you aren't thinking of yourself, only others. I know what I'm doing, and even if you only had a tenth of your heart to give away, I would want it. It wouldn't change how I feel about you." I brushed the hair away from her face. "I _want _you to be selfish, Bella. Tell me what you want, and you can have it. Don't think about Alice or Edward or Jacob or anyone else. Just you. Tell me what _you_ want, and I'll make it happen. _Your _happiness is what is important to me."

She turned her gaze downward as she bit her lip again. "I want you, but-"

I put a hand under her chin and lifted it up until her crimson eyes were staring into mine. "No buts, Isabella. Do you want me?" I asked softly but firmly.

"Yes," she whispered so quietly that if I wasn't a vampire I wouldn't have heard it.

I leaned down so that our lips were almost touching. I could feel her sweet breath on my lips with each exhale. "Then you shall have me," I said as I crashed my lips into hers.

Edward's POV

For the best; it was all for the best. I chanted the words in my head like a mantra in a vain attempt to convince myself of their validity. The house was quiet now – for the moment. The laughter and sounds of passion that had emanated from the floor below for the past two days were gone, as were the torturous thoughts that went with them. After Bella's episode – or perhaps vision was the better word – she and Jasper had left the house to hunt. I should have felt relieved to be free from their thoughts and actions for a brief period of time, but being the masochist that I was, I craved her presence – in whatever capacity I could have it.

I groaned as the door to my sanctuary was opened, and Alice flitted in uninvited. She moved gracefully across the room and sat on the floor in front of my couch, folding her legs beneath her. She studied me for a moment, her topaz eyes searching for something, but what I wasn't sure.

"How long is this going to last?" she asked finally.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose between two of my fingers. "How long is what going to last?" I growled as I opened my eyes to glare at her.

"This wallowing," she said, motioning towards me.

"What would you have me do, Alice? Would you rather me leave? I don't know what else to do!" I spat out, exasperated.

She arched one of her black eyebrows and continued her scrutiny. "Of course I don't want you to leave."

"How can you stand it?" I asked her, running a hand through my hair. "How can you stand him being with her? He's your husband! Can't you do something?"

"Do what, Edward? Tie him to the bed? Force him to stay with me? Force him to love _me_? Force him not to love her? Don't you think this is killing me? Don't you think this is tearing me apart inside? But what can I do – what can _we _do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. I don't blame her; I don't even blame _him_! I blame you! I told you not to leave her; I told you your decision would have dire consequences. I told you she wouldn't be fine, but you didn't listen to me! Your leaving is what started this entire thing. It was the catalyst. If you hadn't left, she wouldn't have fallen apart. If you hadn't left, Jasper wouldn't have felt the need to check on her. If you hadn't left, he would have never had the opportunity to fall in love with her! _It was all you!_ You did this," she said, her voice breaking on the last word and tearless sobs shook her tiny frame.

Her words cut through me like a blade. Was I to blame? Had I pushed them together? I shook the thought out of my head. No, my leaving was a mistake – I knew that now – but I did it with the best of intentions. I wanted her to have a happy, human life. A life without shadows, without vampires, without _me. _Even now, I continue to hurt her. Perhaps it would be best if I left.

Alice growled fiercely, her eyes narrowing and darkening in anger. "Don't you dare leave."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not strong enough to leave again," I muttered darkly rising off the couch in one fluid motion. I couldn't leave, but I had to clear my head. Our meadow held such wonderful memories, but now it was tainted by the last words we'd spoken to one another there. Anywhere would be better than spending another moment in this bedroom. The memories here were unbearable. I sighed and walked out of the room, leaving Alice behind.

"Have a nice walk," she called as I hurried down the stairs.

Rosalie was sitting on the couch filing her nails as Emmett flipped through the TV channels aimlessly when I entered the living room. Rosalie looked up from her nails with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" I asked her.

"Martyrdom doesn't suit you, Edward," Rosalie said coolly.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Rosalie."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't like her being with him, stop acting like a petulant child who's had his favorite toy taken away, and do something about it," she snapped.

"He makes her happy," I said simply. "All I ever do is hurt her. She's better off with him."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You're delusional."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "No, I'm realistic. I've hurt her too deeply in the past. I stand by what I said; she's better off with him."

Emmett turned the TV off abruptly and faced me. "You don't really believe that, do you?" he asked incredulously.

My eyes narrowed. "Of course I do. I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true."

"Your broken stereo system upstairs says differently," Emmett said turning back to Rosalie. "She still loves you. I don't know why you keep pushing her away."

"It is _for her own good._" I growled.

"Oh, but how silly of you, Emmett, to assume that Edward would keep anyone or anything in mind but his own righteous notions of what's best for Bella." She turned her piercing gaze on me ruthlessly, "Your unnatural penchant for melodrama and overreaction is what got you into this position in the first place, Edward. If you don't stop with all of this ridiculous self-loathing crap, you _are_ going to lose her! And I, for one, do not want to spend the rest of eternity with your incessant brooding."

"I don't believe I asked you for your opinion, Rosalie. So kindly keep it to yourself," I hissed. "Since you brought it up, however, let me reiterate for you that I left her so that she could have a normal human life! Something you seemed to be all for at the time, if my memory serves correctly, and I believe it does. Wanting to keep her alive does not a melodrama make!"

"Touché, Edward, but last I checked you weren't God, only a scared little boy with a god-complex. Continue on with your self-deprecating tendencies if you must, but remember you'll only have yourself to blame when she's lost to you forever. If you wait too long; she may come to her senses and realize that you aren't the perfect Adonis she always imagined you to be."

"Shut up, Rosalie. For once in your life, just shut up. This is none of your business." I snarled as I left the house, slamming the door loudly behind me.

I ran fast and hard, hoping to clear my head, hoping to forget, hoping to be numb so the pain didn't feel so brutal. I ran with no destination in mind, my feet carrying me wherever they saw fit. The trees were a blur as I ran. It wasn't long before two familiar scents filtered in through my nose. I stopped, frozen in place. Unable to look away from the scene in front of me, but it was unbearable to continue looking.

A word fell involuntarily from my lips, causing the two figures to look back at me. "Bella."


	12. Chapter 12

Bella's POV

Every doubt I had, every _thought_ I had was pushed out of my head when his lips pressed against mine. I deserved to be happy, I deserved to be _loved_, I deserved to always feel the way I felt when I was in Jasper's arms. His lips moved down my neck, nipping gently when they reached the hollow. I moaned loudly, entwining my fingers in his blonde hair.

"I love you, Bella," he said before bringing his lips down to my collarbone.

He pulled away and with a mischievous grin, pulled our shirts off.

"Jasper, we're outside!" I protested. "Someone could see." My voice was as weak as my protests, however. He continued as if I'd never spoken, beginning his achingly slow descent down the valley between my breasts. My hands ran over his chest, now tracing the defined muscles there until I reached his hip.

Any hesitation I may have had about the outdoors was over the moment his lips grazed my nipple. This was sweet torture; he was everywhere all at once, and it was nearly more than I could bear yet would never be enough. He'd removed my pants at some point because now while his lips were covering every area – all but the one area I desperately wanted covered – with kisses, his fingers were tracing circles over the tiny piece of lace masquerading as panties.

His lips were moving lower and lower. "Such a pretty, flimsy little thing," he said against the offending lace, the vibration of his words making my entire body tingle. He ripped the delicate lace away, but before I could scold him for ripping them his mouth was _there_, and it felt like I lost all control over my body. When he moved his tongue for the first time, I nearly bit through my bottom lip trying to keep from screaming out. My hands clutched the ground underneath me so tightly; I could feel the holes my nails caused. It was the most intense pleasure I'd ever felt in my entire life. It didn't take long before I gave up on attempting to control the noises. They came as quickly as the air I breathed, so there was no use. The pressure was growing unabated, and finally it reached the crescendo. It felt almost surreal – the pleasure that came in waves, another one there before I even had time to recover from the last. I wasn't sure how long it last only that when it finally subsided, I was trembling and panting.

I didn't even realize my eyes were closed until Jasper whispered in my ear. "Open your eyes, silly girl."

I opened my eyes to find him hovering over me, his blonde hair falling into my face, tickling my cheek. He looked so happy, so joyous, so _alive_ – I felt like I should say something, but I wasn't ready to say what he really wanted to hear.

"I'm glad you came back – to watch over me," I murmured as I leaned up to kiss him. I ran my hands through his hair and continued slowly down his back, stopping when I reached the edge of his jeans. I grinned against his lips as I felt him shiver.

I pulled away from him and arched an eyebrow. "Your pants are still on, Mr. Whitlock."

He chuckled and nodded. "So they are."

He moved back and a second later, there was nothing separating us. I loved this, the way I could feel every inch of his body pressed against mine. My hands twisted into his hair as he crashed his lips against mine for an impossibly passionate kiss. I moaned into his mouth when I felt him enter me and our bodies began moving together. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to how right this felt, to how complete I felt when we were together. No words were needed; our bodies were completely in sync, each one knowing exactly what the other needed. Our kisses and movements growing more frantic until we both climaxed.

I was so lost, so completely intoxicated that I was scarcely aware of our surroundings. His hands softly caressed me as we lay there on the ground, oblivious to the dirt. The sun had disappeared, bringing clouds in its stead. I was lying with my head on his chest, trying to discern one sound in the forest from another when I heard a twig break followed shortly a whispered word.

"Bella." It was Edward. His voice was pained, hollow. My eyes flew open, and I jumped up, completely forgetting my state of undress. He stood there for a moment before turning and running back in the direction he came in.

"Edward, wait!" I cried as I hastily pulled my clothes back on. I didn't look back at Jasper, too afraid of what I might see – either hurt or anger. I followed his scent, running as fast as I could. I had the advantage of newborn strength, but Edward was fast – too fast. I gave up on catching him, his scent was faint now. I lowered myself to the ground where I stood. How had I managed to once again screw everything up? And why did he look so sad? He was the one who walked away from me, who _always _walked away from me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them. I was a terrible person, I hurt everyone I touched. Charlie, Jake, Alice, Jasper, _him_. Jasper said I wasn't selfish, but I was. I wanted Jasper – that part was true – but why had I run after Edward then? Why couldn't I just let him go?

"Tell me, Bella, did you ever love me?" Edward asked from behind me, his velvet voice pained.

Anger flared through me white hot as I turned to face him. "How could you ask me that?"

"Because your actions as of late tell me that you didn't

"My actions?" I asked, my voice shrill. "_My_ actions?"

"I just didn't expect for you to move on so quickly."

"Quickly? There is nothing quick about this. Maybe you've forgotten the _months_ I spent alone, thinking that _you _didn't love me, that _you_ didn't want me. With absolutely no hope of ever being with you again. I still love you, but I cannot _force_ you to want me. What would you have me do? Be alone _forever_ simply because _you don't want me_?"

"Of course not," he said indignantly.

"Then what? We can't all be as self-sacrificing as you. I don't know what it is that

you want from me! Do you want me to be alone? If you don't want to be with me, don't want me to be with Jasper, what do you want?"

A second later he was in front of me, his lips pressing hungrily against mine. My mind screamed that this wasn't right, but something in my body remembered him, the way his lips felt against mine and began to react. I threw my arms around his neck, knotting my hands in his hair and pulled him closer to me. He ran his hands down my sides. I moaned against his lips when I felt his hands move under my shirt. Edward stiffened beneath me and pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Bella, that was completely inappropriate," he said. He ran his hands through his hair, his face aghast.

I felt the sting of rejection wash over me, but this wasn't new – no it was all too familiar. Images flew through my head, dozens of images – all of him pulling away, pushing me away. "Which part? Kissing me? Or pulling away like you always do?" I spat at him.

"Kissing you, of course. I should not have done that."

Anger flared once again. "I'm sorry it was such an _unpleasant _experience for you."

"Bella, it's not that – " he started, but I cut him off.

"Save it, I'm going home. To Jasper." I told him and walked away, leaving him standing there, watching me as I left. I was so angry – angry at myself, at him.

I couldn't even bear entering the house when I got home; I was so disgusted with myself. Only minutes after I was with Jasper, I allowed – and responded – to Edward kissing me. I was screwing up the one thing I had left, hurting the one person who still cared for me, who loved me even if I wasn't able to love him back. I sat on the porch swing instead listening to the sounds in the house. A car pulled into the drive, and Esme and Carlisle exited the Mercedes quickly. They both smiled at me as the neared the door.

"I'll meet you inside," Esme told Carlisle. She pecked his cheek and smiled at him. He nodded slightly and left us alone on the porch.

Esme sat down next to me on the swing, but she didn't say anything. We sat there like that for a while – neither of us speaking.

"Do you… is it wrong… gah!" I said finally, not able to finish either question. I took a deep breath and urged my voice not to break. "I don't know how to be here, to be around them – either of them – and not love him," I admitted.

"So stubborn, both of you," she muttered. "Why fight it then, Bella? If you love him so, why do you fight it?"

"Because he doesn't want me." I murmured so softly I wasn't sure if she heard.

"What? Who gave you that ridiculous notion?"

I shrugged. "He did. He's told me over and over again, in the forest the day he left, not even two days ago and then again now. That's what he says, Esme, but his actions… I don't know. He says he doesn't want me, yet he kisses me; He says he doesn't want to be with me, yet the idea of me with Jasper infuriates him. I don't know what to do!"

She sat there nodding as I spoke. It felt nice, as if she were my mother as well. Only I didn't have to take care of her like I'd had to take care of Renee and then Charlie. When I was finished, she placed her hand on my knee.

"I don't pretend to understand the…complex situation you are in right now, Bella, but I will tell you this. My son – misguided though he is – does love you. Why he will not allow himself to be happy, I will never understand, but that is neither here nor there. I cannot tell you what to do, Bella. This is your life, and you are the only one who has to live with it."

"It's just so hard," I lamented. "Jasper is wonderful. He truly cares for me. I never have to wonder with him. It feels so natural. But with Edward… I don't know. I have so much anger. When I see him, I'm never sure if I want to hit him or kiss him and most of the time, the desires are tied," I sighed. "It's a moot point anyway. He doesn't want me, and I'm tired of putting myself out there only to be discarded."

Esme smiled. "It sounds like you have your answer then. Do whatever will make you happy, Bella. You're my daughter now as you always have been. We are your family, and we will support whatever decision you will make. Perhaps we should head inside though. Carlisle and I have something to discuss with the family as a whole."


	13. AN

I am sorry to say that I am no longer involved in the Twilight fandom except for the Harry Potter/Twilight fanfiction I am currently working on. I am sorry to have begun these stories and to leave them untouched for so long, but I simply am not interested in finishing them.

_However_, I am putting all three (Fatal Temptation, Happily Forever After, and If there were no monsters and no magic) up for adoption. If you are interested, please send me a message with your ideas and a sample of your writing. I am willing to assist anyway I can -- if you are interested in what direction I was going in.

~Thanks for reading and reviewing,  
_Koinaka _


	14. A Question

A question for the masses. I know that I've said I was finished with Twilight fandom, but I've caught the bug again. I was thinking of redoing this fic because it's just a mess. I was contemplating redoing it in a third person pov mainly concentrating on Jasper. What do you think? Would anyone be interested in reading this? If I get enough response, I will do it. If not, then I won't. I only say this because I've so many other fics to work on, not even considering my considerable amount of school work.

~ _Koinaka_


	15. Last Note

I've started the rewrite! I won't remove this version for those of you that enjoyed it, however. It will be posted under Fatal Temptation.

Thanks for reading!

-- _Koinaka_


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